Downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983

Downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983
STMcC in downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

THE WORLD BEGAN ON AUGUST 14, 1953...

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WIFFLE BALLS
inventor: David N. Mullany
1953

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"Of course I got a bat! What, do you think I'm a fag?"
~ Johnny Crowder
'The Lord Of War And Thunder'
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The world began on August 14, 1953 . . .  that's the day that the first WIFFLE BALLS (invented a year earlier) went on sale in this baseball-crazy country. Mr. David Mullany created the first Wiffle Ball in Fairfield, Connecticut, after seeing his 12-year-old son struggling to throw a curveball. Mr. Mullany (to whom we bow down and show obeisance) cut eight oblong slots into plastic orbs that were used to package cosmetics and the Wiffle Ball, an American institution, was born.
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Oh, Wiffle Ball, Wiffle Ball, it nearly compels me to wax poetic. I'm now 46 years old, but the love that I have for the game of Wiffle Ball will possess my heart long after my body has any capability to throw a breaking pitch!

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My Brother and I were born to a beautiful, baseball-loving woman. Shirley grew up following the Cincinnati Reds, and as a child she acquired a nickname based on a long-forgotten Big League pitcher. As an adult, she worked for the Los Angeles DOdGers and the Los Angeles Angels (that was before they became the California Angels, and then the Anaheim Angels, and then the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, and then the Chicago White Sox Victims). She instilled in her two boys and one daughter a love for America's pastime. (In fact, my sister was the first girl we ever heard of to play on a boys' Little League team.)
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But when we weren't on a baseball diamond with 7 other guys, and when we couldn't scrounge up 2 other guys to play a game of "Over-The-Line" at the park, my Brother, Napoleon, and I were battling it out in a game of Wiffle Ball in the yard.

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We had some outrageously competitive games in our "Glory Days." We perfected the art of pitching a Wiffle Ball and baffled many a batter who tried to hit us. I remember 1990 and a young, athletic college student who, claiming to have played Wiffle Ball throughout his childhood, challenged this old geezer on the UCLA field behind the John Wooden Center. Well, my screwball was only breaking about 10 feet that day, and after taking it for strike three about a dozen times, he just shook his head, and I concluded that whatever game he was playing as a child, it WASN'T what my Brother and I called, "WIFFLE BALL."
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If you have never owned a Wiffle Ball, you've never really been alive, my dear friend! Although they do tend to crack between the oblong cutouts after some time (especially if you hang too many curveballs for my Brother who swings with great authority), they will last for countless hours of baseballesque bliss and excellent exercise! They can be used anywhere outdoors because the Wiffle Ball weighs only two-thirds of an ounce, and if Nappy never knocked one through a window, neither will you!
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And although the Wiffle Ball is light, it does not follow that it should be taken lightly. After San Francisco Giant (man, do I hate the Giants!), Kevin Mitchell, won the 1989 National League MVP award, he publicly stated that he had really learned to hit the curveball by playing a lot of Wiffle Ball the previous off-season. One of the greatest hitters of all-time, San Diego's Tony Gwynn, used to hit Wiffle Balls off of a batting tee because he could tell from the spin where he had struck the ball. Play with a Wiffle Ball and you're in Big League company!
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And SURPRISE! Wiffle Balls are still made in the U.S.A. The day production moves to Communist China, I'll jump. Twelve Wiffle Balls are currently going for $14.95, that's only $1.25 per ball. Do you have any idea how much fun you can have with a Wiffle Ball? Well, take my word for it, you'll get more than a dollar and twenty-five cents worth!
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Now all you need to do is get the regulation, Old School, plastic yellow ("banana") bat. Of course, if you really want to splurge you can purchase the newly invented aluminum Wiffle Ball bat. Funny story: My dear ol' Ma bought an aluminum Wiffle Ball bat as a gift for my Brother on his birthday. But she wasn't sure what size to get, so she called the company. "How old is your son?" the representative asked. When she said, "Forty-one", he laughed loud and said, "I think you'll want to go with the heaviest model."

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One of the great disappointments in my life (SERIOUSLY!) is that they didn't think to organize Wiffle Ball competitions until Nappy and I were in our 40's. We scouted out the competition at the "Wiffle Ball World Series" here in Phoenix a few years ago. (Players fly in from all over the country!) We figured that even at our advanced age and with my arthritis, we could still give those young studs all they bargained for and more, if we polished our long-neglected technique over the next year. Alas, it never happened, what with work and life and all the other crap that gets in the way of Wiffle Ball play.
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But that doesn't mean YOU can't fly into Phoenix next year and win the title! Get to it, man! Get yourself a dozen Wiffle Balls, a "banana" bat and start practicing. Hint: The ball breaks in the direction of the solid half. Want to throw a 'Drop'? Make sure the solid section is on the bottom at your release point. Then get inventive -- there are innumerable variations on that theme! You can thank me for the hint when you see me. You'll recognize me because I'm always the guy who picks up the suitcase that comes around on the airport luggage carrousel with a plastic yellow bat strapped across the top of it!
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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6 comments:

  1. I had no idea you were such a wiffle ball expert, in both knowledge and in practical application. The thought of you schooling an athletic college kid at wiffle ball is pretty hilarious.

    I was always an apartment kid, so I never had a wiffle ball set growing up. Always wanted one. But my mom would always harp at me to not play with any kind of ball, bat, or racket inside the apartment. Now that I'm grown up... I live in a townhouse, so still no wiffle ball set. Not unless I want to do this.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/l2QZWezJwk5gaeuxq/giphy.gif

    Sorry, Kuzin Johnny, but I've got to think of the lightbulbs.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. >>... "The thought of you schooling an athletic college kid at wiffle ball is pretty hilarious."

      That was just me exploiting my "White privilege". Ha! Had it been a basketball game, it would have been 180-degrees different.

      I think that kid in the gif was simply doing a very bad impersonation of [Link:) ROY HOBBS​.​

      Or maybe it was a very bad impersonation of [Link:) KIRK GIBSON DOING A GREAT IMPERSONATION ROY HOBBS.

      As I've said many times, I was in Dodger Stadium the night Gibson hit that home run. One of the true highlights of my life just to have been blessed enough to see that happen in person... even if it was from the cheap seats up in "Peanut Heaven".

      ~ D-FensDogG

      Delete
  2. Al Bondigas here. Believe it or not a few years ago this young kid who was a super star in high school a few years back, took some batting practice off me. He whiffed on practically every pitch. Never did put in in play until I started feeling bad for him because we had an audience. So I lobbed him a few fat ones so he didn't look so bad. I was a fool and didn't warm up properly so my arm killed me for at least a week after. I was probably 50 or 51 at the time. He was like 22 or so. I've lost some velocity but the junk was still there.

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    1. I totally believe that, JUDGE AL. And I did the same thing for the young college kid I was playing against. I threw a few straight ones right down the pipe so he could at least get a couple guys on base and not feel so overwhelmed.

      The problem is, we're martyrs to our own generosity. (Quoted from?)

      Ahh, remember the good ol' years when "warming up" meant drinking a Mickey's Big Mouth buzz bomb? It hurts to get old.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  3. Engaging story, Reno! I did not heretofore know what the heck those funny-looking cut-out balls were for, so now I'm enlightened ;-)
    Is your brother really named Napoleon?

    ReplyDelete

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