SHELL OUT? SHELL OUT FOR THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR?

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THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR
by Art Fein
published: 1990
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In my personal library there are several different translations of The Holy Bible. And The United States Constitution. And I have books ABOUT The U.S. Constitution. And big books about words and the English language. I’ve got books on politics, S/spirituality, sociology, physiology, and other serious ologies.
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{*Nothing on mathematics. We hate mathematics! Don’t even talk to us about mathematics or I’ll become violent and do very bad things to you.*}
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Oh, just ignore that voice behind the curtain.
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But in one of my bookcases, I also have the 1990, first edition of THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR by Art Fein because... well... because... Well, just because! ...Because I like it way better'n I like mathematics.
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{*MATHEMATICS?! Did someone just mention mathematics?! Who’s talking about that? Huh? Show me who’s talking about that!*}
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I bought THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR in 1991, and I’ll bet I’ve lost myself in it about a million times since then. My copy of Art Fein’s book is 135 pages long and it’s filled with mostly 2 ½” X 3 ½”--
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{*What! Multiplication?!*}
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--black and white snapshots of nearly every famous, infamous, nearly famous, and not-so-famous Los Angeles musical landmark you can think of... or not. Each entry is alphabetized--
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{*But NOT numbered!*}
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--and includes a brief description of what it is and where it is.
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I moved outta my hometown, Los Angeles, (for the second time) in 1995, but I revisit it occasionally via THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR. This is one of those spiffy little books that you pull off the shelf to look up one bit of trivia and the next thing you know, sixty minutes have passed.
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{*Careful where you walk there, boy.*}
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And I spent so much time at so many of these places in my misspent youth that it really is like stepping into Mr. Peabody’s WAYBAC MACHINE for me and traveling back in time to when I had no grey in my hair, no wrinkles in my skin, and no common sense in my mind. Well, I’ve managed to hold onto one-third of those attributes.
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{*Fractions now, is it? Yer makin’ me mad.*}
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Los Angeles is loaded with Rock music history -- LOADED! -- just like I used to be. Whaddaya wanna see? Where ya wanna go? Wanna know where Alice Cooper’s Academy Of Nude Wrestling was located? How ‘bout the Alta-Cienega Motel where Jim Morrison used to sleep it off? Or where the Beatles stayed? Wanna see the strip of Sunset Strip ‘Between Clark And Hilldale’ that Love sang about? George Harrison’s ‘Blue Jay Way’? Club 88, made famous by the band X and the documentary The Decline Of Western Civilization (but more importantly, where my Cousin Johnny’s band, Sex And Violins, played later)?
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How ‘bout Oki Dog, the ‘70s and ‘80s hangout for L.A.’s punk rockers? Lucy’s El Adobe restaurant, home away from home for Linda Ronstadt and The Eagles? The Continental Hyatt House where in the movie 'This Is Spinal Tap' Spinal Tap held their end-of-tour party on the rooftop, and where Warren Zevon did something he didn’t want to talk about with a girl in the song ‘Poor, Poor Pitiful Me’? The Rainbow Bar where the Led Zeppelin “flew”? Or where Don Henley’s ‘Sunset Grill’ can still be found grilling at sunset?
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Shall we visit the grave sites of Eddie Cochran, Gene Vincent, Roy Orbison, T-Bone Walker, Richie Valens, or Randy Rhoads, etc.? Wanna see homes that “The King Of Rock And Roll” owned? Wanna see where Joan Jett lived and Janis Joplin died? Or how ‘bout The Music Machine in West Los Angeles where Stephen T. McCarthy and the rest of The League Of Soul Crusaders were drinkin’, dancin’, cussin’, an’ fightin’ in the early ‘80s, and where Twinkie got his nickname -- oh yeah, and where Los Lobos, Bo Diddley, Ry Cooder, Big Joe Turner, Clifton Chenier, Jane’s Addiction, and many others played?
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All of these places and two hundred and twelve--
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{*Hey!*}
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--other music-related sites are pictured and noted in Art Fein’s fine little book. I only wish this had been published as a large, hardcover coffee table book with nice, big professionally made color photos, instead of a simple black and white cheapie -- entertaining though it is.
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THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR is out-of-print at the moment, but used copies of a couple different editions are available online at a variety of prices. How much is it worth? Should you buy it? Heck, I don’t know -- you do the math.
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{*MATH?! Son-Of-A-Bitch!*}
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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