Downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983

Downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983
STMcC in downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

SHELL OUT? SHELL OUT FOR THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR?

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THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR
by Art Fein
published: 1990
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In my personal library there are several different translations of The Holy Bible. And The United States Constitution. And I have books ABOUT The U.S. Constitution. And big books about words and the English language. I’ve got books on politics, S/spirituality, sociology, physiology, and other serious ologies.

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{*Nothing on mathematics. We hate mathematics! Don’t even talk to us about mathematics or I’ll become violent and do very bad things to you.*}
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Oh, just ignore that voice behind the curtain.
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But in one of my bookcases, I also have the 1990, first edition of THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR by Art Fein because... well... because... Well, just because! ...Because I like it way better'n I like mathematics.
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{*MATHEMATICS?! Did someone just mention mathematics?! Who’s talking about that? Huh? Show me who’s talking about that!*}
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I bought THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR in 1991, and I’ll bet I’ve lost myself in it about a million times since then. My copy of Art Fein’s book is 135 pages long and it’s filled with mostly 2 ½” X 3 ½”--

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{*What! Multiplication?!*}
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--black and white snapshots of nearly every famous, infamous, nearly famous, and not-so-famous Los Angeles musical landmark you can think of... or not. Each entry is alphabetized--
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{*But NOT numbered!*}
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--and includes a brief description of what it is and where it is.
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I moved outta my hometown, Los Angeles, (for the second time) in 1995, but I revisit it occasionally via THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR. This is one of those spiffy little books that you pull off the shelf to look up one bit of trivia and the next thing you know, sixty minutes have passed.
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{*Careful where you walk there, boy.*}
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And I spent so much time at so many of these places in my misspent youth that it really is like stepping into Mr. Peabody’s WAYBAC MACHINE for me and traveling back in time to when I had no grey in my hair, no wrinkles in my skin, and no common sense in my mind. Well, I’ve managed to hold onto one-third of those attributes.
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{*Fractions now, is it? Yer makin’ me mad.*}
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Los Angeles is loaded with Rock music history -- LOADED! -- just like I used to be. Whaddaya wanna see? Where ya wanna go? Wanna know where Alice Cooper’s Academy Of Nude Wrestling was located? How ‘bout the Alta-Cienega Motel where Jim Morrison used to sleep it off? Or where the Beatles stayed? Wanna see the strip of Sunset Strip ‘Between Clark And Hilldale’ that Love sang about? George Harrison’s ‘Blue Jay Way’? Club 88, made famous by the band X and the documentary The Decline Of Western Civilization (but more importantly, where my Cousin Johnny’s band, Sex And Violins, played later)?

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How ‘bout Oki Dog, the ‘70s and ‘80s hangout for L.A.’s punk rockers? Lucy’s El Adobe restaurant, home away from home for Linda Ronstadt and The Eagles? The Continental Hyatt House where in the movie 'This Is Spinal Tap' Spinal Tap held their end-of-tour party on the rooftop, and where Warren Zevon did something he didn’t want to talk about with a girl in the song ‘Poor, Poor Pitiful Me’? The Rainbow Bar where the Led Zeppelin “flew”? Or where Don Henley’s ‘Sunset Grill’ can still be found grilling at sunset?
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Shall we visit the grave sites of Eddie Cochran, Gene Vincent, Roy Orbison, T-Bone Walker, Richie Valens, or Randy Rhoads, etc.? Wanna see homes that “The King Of Rock And Roll” owned? Wanna see where Joan Jett lived and Janis Joplin died? Or how ‘bout The Music Machine in West Los Angeles where Stephen T. McCarthy and the rest of The League Of Soul Crusaders were drinkin’, dancin’, cussin’, an’ fightin’ in the early ‘80s, and where Twinkie got his nickname -- oh yeah, and where Los Lobos, Bo Diddley, Ry Cooder, Big Joe Turner, Clifton Chenier, Jane’s Addiction, and many others played?
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All of these places and two hundred and twelve--

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{*Hey!*}
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--other music-related sites are pictured and noted in Art Fein’s fine little book. I only wish this had been published as a large, hardcover coffee table book with nice, big professionally made color photos, instead of a simple black and white cheapie -- entertaining though it is.
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THE L.A. MUSICAL HISTORY TOUR is out-of-print at the moment, but used copies of a couple different editions are available online at a variety of prices. How much is it worth? Should you buy it? Heck, I don’t know -- you do the math.

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{*MATH?! Son-Of-A-Bitch!*}
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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6 comments:

  1. This looks like a very cool book! I'm gonna find a copy fer meself. Let's see... $2.59 plus .51 tax plus $3.99 shipping... what does that add up to?

    My interest is divided between the music and the places, but together they add up. From that, however, I must subtract my dislike of the oblate spheroid that is California. LA has experienced Exponential Decay, and the dollars involved in getting there have multiplied exponentially.

    Anyway, I put it on my Santa list!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alphabetgun McItchyfinger ~
      I did my best to follow your comment but I got lost beginning at $2.59. Is that code for something? Couldn't you have at least -- at a bare minimum -- spelled it out, like, "two fifty-nine"?

      Wish I could reply more better, but this comment was like Rocket Science to me.

      I need a cold Mojito.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends

      Delete
  2. I was just trying to goad you by filling the comment with mathematical terms. Your review was apparently so long ago that you forgot the the main emphasis was hatred of MATH.

    But I wasn't foolin' when I said that this seems like a cool book!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! You wound and underestimate me, Sir Six.

      I totally understood what you were doing. And I was playing along in my own strange way.

      Now I shall e'splain:

      "I got lost" trying to follow your comment BECAUSE it was filled with "mathematical terms".

      I got lost "beginning at $2.59", because those are numbers. Then I axsed why you couldn't have at least used the alphabet rather than numbers (i.e., spelling it out with the letters "two fifty-nine", rather than 2.59).

      No worries. Our senses of humor simply did not click this time. But we'll have more chances, I feel sure. Maybe it was my fault, being "one Mojito low".

      Speaking of Mojitos... I drank my last one yesterday. It was "The Last Of The Mojitos". :^) (I thought o' that all by myself!)

      I may soon be very cranky and/or gain 50 pounds.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends

      Delete
  3. Oops. You were too smart by half, bro. I guffawed out loud at your "Last of the Mojitos" pun, though. Probably used a GOOGLEPLEX of times, but I'd not heard it.

    We'll have multiple chances. Just give it sum time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Sum time"... Ha! Doubling down on your tricks, I see.

      As far as I know, I am the originator of the Mojito / Mohicans pun. But it wouldn't surprise me if I was beaten to it by sumone sumwhere.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends

      Delete

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