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NAPOLEON DYNAMITE
directed by Jared Hess
released: 2004
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I was invited to my Sister's house yesterday to watch NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, a movie that I had heard many good things about. The movie reviewer for our local paper, 'The Arizona Republic' (more appropriately called 'The Daily Disappointment' by the former mayor of Prescott, Sam Steiger), proclaimed it the sleeper of 2004. And that's a label that might apply to many of its potential viewers. As the DVD was inserted into the player, and I settled onto the sofa, my 16-year-old niece, Shannon, who had seen the movie previously, said, "It's a pointless movie; it has no storyline." Oh, the wisdom that sometimes emanates from the mouths of babes!
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I contemplated some of the clever and funny ways I might review NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, but decided to tackle it from an angle I seldom employ: straight-forward. I suppose it's understandable why some kids (8 to 12 perhaps) might find this movie entertaining, but this review is a public service announcement for everybody else tempted to buy or rent this "sleeper." QUESTION: Is it fair to harshly criticize a simple little comedy? (A poor word to describe this movie, but one must categorize.) ANSWER: Yes, because it asks for $20 of your money and / or 86 minutes of your valuable time!
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NAPOLEON DYNAMITE is a movie without any "skills", but plenty of problems. This is dynamite that only blows up in the viewer's face.
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PROBLEM #1: I understand that the movie was originally a concept for a student film. Well, the writer / director is STILL a student, because he evidently doesn't understand the most rudimentary principles of filmmaking. A movie needs a central conflict that propels the viewer from scene to scene. This is something that most foreign filmmakers have also failed to grasp. They're still trying to put books on film, and they usually bore because novels and movies are two different mediums with unique necessities. It is possible for an episodic film to succeed, but this is exceedingly rare and requires that every scene be poignant and expand the viewer's understanding of the characters. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE simply moves from one supposedly amusing skit to another. The scenes lack dynamism and do not illustrate previously unexplored facets of the characters. And that brings up another problem...
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THE CHARACTERS: The principal character, Napoleon Dynamite, could best be described as a two-toned dog: 'Goofy' with the hairstyle of a poodle! It's fine to have an odd character or two, but you cannot entirely people your story with oddballs. You must have one or two "ordinary" characters to balance the relationships. Here, the only characters who are not overtly strange are simply one-dimensional bullies and snobbish school queens who appear only occasionally to act as a foil for the misfits. Consider the great sit-com, 'THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW': In the early days, Griffith played Andy Taylor as "a heavy-handed rural clown", and it didn't really work; there were too many of that sort in the cast. One day, Griffith said, "I just realized that I'm the straight man. I'm playing straight to all these kooks around me." The next season he downplayed his character, becoming the true heart and soul of the show. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE has no heart and soul; it is just a bunch of kooks in search of a story. And unbelievable kooks at that. The scenes between LaFawnduh and Kip were preposterous in the extreme.
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Sure, there were a few nice moments that elicited a smile or a snicker or two from me. They did manage to convey that sense of insecurity and social ineptitude of young people (especially through the monosyllabic dialogue). Seeing Napoleon step out of his cocoon and daringly help his friend Pedro at the school assembly was the one moment in which we see some sort of genuine growth in a character. The shot of Napoleon practicing his dance moves through his partially closed bedroom door was the one artistic flair that got my attention. Nicely done. And I did appreciate the fact that here was a movie without the customary nudity and over-the-top profanity and violence. But it takes more than that to justify spending an hour and a half of my time in front of the "Lobotomizer."
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It's clear to me that Hollyweird is now officially out of ideas. The Hollyweirdos have been reduced to making movies based on comic books (Superman, Batman, Spiderman, et. al.), TV shows (The Brady Bunch, The Honeymooners, Bewitched), remaking movies that don't need any remaking (Born Yesterday, The Longest Yard, The Bad News Bears), and trying to pass off student movies as genuine films (Napoleon Dynamite). Don't be fooled: NAPOLEON DYNAMITE is nothing more than a low-budget student movie that pretends to make some sort of statement, and imagines itself to be a "film"; it's an invisibly small-scale story that desires to be thought of as something bigger and more important. Kind of like that other Napoleon.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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GOODBYE, MEXICO
by Phillip Jennings
published: 2007
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I spend a lot of time reading nonfiction books related to government conspiracies, government corruption, government bungling, and the malfeasance of government officials. You know, just basic government. But every so often, all that basic government will cause my eyes to get glassy, my brain to turn to Jello (blue raspberry), and my sense of right and wrong to become blurred. When that occurs, I know it’s time to take a little break; which I just did recently by reading GOODBYE MEXICO, a work of fiction about government conspiracies, government corruption, government bungling, and the malfeasance of government officials. Boy, do I feel refreshed!
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The cover of GOODBYE MEXICO says it was written by a guy named Phillip Jennings. That’s where reality stops and the outrageous, satirical adventures and misadventures in mad, covert operations begin. It’s a story of subterfuge built upon the sturdy foundation of government intelligence, counterintelligence, double-crossings, triple-crossings, and burro crossings. And unfortunately for Jack Armstrong, the self-professed “Mama’s boy” and former Marine attempting to do his duty as a CIA agent while maintaining a relatively calm life, the individual trying to direct all of this insanity -- in a sense, playing “The Crossing Guard” -- is Armstrong’s old Marine buddy, “that damn Gearheardt.”
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Gearheardt is (so to speak) back from the dead and working with the CIA (kinda, sorta) and cooking up a plan in Mexico to oust Castro from Cuba in order to turn the country over to internacional prostitutas. Meanwhile, other factions have other intentions for Cuba and Gearheardt doesn’t know the difference between a pinata and a Chihuahua. (Hell, EVERYONE knows that the dog yelps when you hit it with the stick!)
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As the plot thickens, even the ordinarily super-cool, super-calm, and super-collected wiseass, Gearheardt, is a bit troubled by his inability to keep things straight: “Don’t you hate the missions where you have a bunch of people lined up to assassinate someone and then everything gets mixed up and no one knows who’s killing who?”
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If this all sounds “over-the-top”, it IS! Imagine something like the movie DR. STRANGELOVE Or HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB and then ramp up the Farce Factor two or three times. (Yeah, you read that correctly -- I said “ramp it up”, not “tone it down.”) It’s “over-the-top” like going over Niagra Falls in a barrel with sharp objects, a screaming woman, and a laughing hyena! Hmmm … Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, on page 165 of GOODBYE MEXICO.
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Or, to mix my metaphors, GOODBYE MEXICO reminded me of being on the Mad Tea Cup ride at Disneyland: While the cup is spinning wildly, it is simultaneously moving in a predetermined direction. In other words, it is not out of control, but merely seems that way. Much like the Earth itself I might add: While it is spinning around its global axis at about 1,000 miles an hour, it is also rotating around the Sun -- it has a plan, a purpose! (Which reminds me... did you ever consider that while they sit fascinated by the sight of cars racing around the INDY 500 track at about 160 miles an hour, the spectators in the stands are themselves turning more than five times faster?)
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While GOODBYE MEXICO is often riotously funny, I did encounter a couple of problems with it: There are times when the story calls for a genuine emotional reaction, but I don't think I can be expected to laugh at an absurd satire and then later, when things turn serious, to invest enough belief in the story to experience anything resembling authentic empathy. A story with characters and situations this far removed from what we deem to be reality necessarily sacrifices its ability to evoke pathos.
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As I recently said to someone (who shall remain nameless because I don’t want you to know that I associate with such people), something minor, but which also negatively impacted my enjoyment, is that I think I pretty much reached my saturation point with "Tough Chick" stories more than ten years ago. It seems as if that's all we ever get anymore and -- along with the ubiquitous "guy taking a shot to the family jewels" gag that rarely gets left out of any Hollywood movie or TV production -- I've had more than enough of it. The "Warrior Babe" is an exaggerated character type that I've grown weary of seeing. Additionally, GOODBYE MEXICO was a bit too outlandish and perhaps a shade too bawdy for my own tastes, but those things are subjective.
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Although I might not be GOODBYE MEXICO’s ideal reader, undoubtedly there is a large audience out there for it. For one thing, any woman who’s ever felt the desire to castrate a man for any reason will surely find that GOODBYE MEXICO gets her rocks off. Uhm... well, you know what I mean. Or you will. The story is frantically-funny and fast-paced; the plot has more “twists” than a bartender in a busy cocktail lounge; the principal protagonists (especially “that damn Gearheardt” who reminds me a lot of one of my own good friends from the past) are wonderfully drawn; and the insane denouement to the insane labyrinth of intrigues is probably nothing short of a stroke of genius -- wickedly humorous and absolutely apropos.
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GOODBYE MEXICO is a dizzying, Mad Cup of Tea, and if you’re going to climb into bed with spies, revolutionaries, counterrevolutionaries, and angry prostitutes, then consider yourself forewarned.
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Until our next rendezvous under the cover of darkness and Satire with a capital “S”, this is Mr. Nada Zilch (a.k.a. Agent Double-“OH!” Zero) saying, “ADIOS, MUCHACHOS Y MUCHACHAS.”
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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THE ENDLESS SUMMER II -- Movie Soundtrack
by Gary Hoey
released: 1994
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I'm kind of a quirky character -- "unique" is the word that my friends have used to describe me. Those who were not my friends used other less friendly words from time to time, but those people are all dead now so there's no point in our discussing them.
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One of my little "quirks" is to occasionally ask odd questions from out of the blue. It might be a reasonable question such as, "The year of your best Summer?" (Mine was '74, how 'bout yers?) Or the question might be something totally nonsensical like, "What did you do when the crops failed?" Now, if you expect to remain a friend of mine for very long you will be required to consistently reply quickly with something (at least mildly amusing) that we can develop into a full-blown, long-term nonsensical discussion. Acceptable answers to that last question would go something like: "We turned to cannibalism" or "I died in the famine." You get the idea?
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When I suddenly blurted out, "Best guitarist?" to my buddy at work, The Great LC, he answered, "Gary Hoey".
I said, "HOEY? WHO HE?"
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I thought I had heard of all the highly acclaimed guitarists but this cat was news to me. Well, the compact disc-addicted Rams fan, The Great LC, loaned me a copy of one of his Hoey CDs and I was turned onto truly one of the most unjustly unknown six-string slingers extant. And it came as an added surprise and bonus when I discovered that 'Who He Hoey' had also written and performed the musical soundtrack for the movie sequel 'ENDLESS SUMMER II' (1994).
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The first 'ENDLESS SUMMER' movie (1966) you'll remember was the original full-length movie on surfing that -- along with the fabulous music of The Beach Boys -- really pushed the sport into the American consciousness, and it is still considered the classic, holy grail of surfing films. In the days before art house / cult flick movie theatres and Beta / VHS tapes, they used to show 'Endless Summer' at the packed Santa Monica Civic Auditorium to kids like me who rode waves all Summer long in our quest for skin cancer. That was before the invention of sunblock, ya understand!
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So, is 'Who He Hoey' really the "best guitarist"? Well, The Great LC ain't no dummy, and I'd say that Hoey is darned sure in the running; the cat can really sling it! I'd still have to side with Danny Gatton because, despite his amazing versatility, I'm not sure Hoey could match Gatton's exquisite finesse on numbers like 'Canadian Sunset' and 'Poinciana.' But I'd certainly be interested in seeing the boys duel. That won't happen any time soon though because Gatton "died in the famine" of '94.
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But let's briefly examine this soundtrack and see what 'Who He Hoey' is doing on it: The first thing you'll be happy to find is that this does NOT sound like your typical movie soundtrack album. There is none of that draggy "movie music" with cheesy orchestras sawing away on strings that meander over nondescript melodies -- you know wot ahm talkin' 'bout here: FILLER! No way dudes and dudettes, this is a SERIOUS surf guitar rock album! This is the one movie soundtrack album that REALLY ROCKS! I mean this baby makes most so-called "real" Hard Rock guitar albums sound like the "movie filler" we've been yakkin' 'bout here!
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It opens with 'RIPTIDE', a highly electrified excursion into swirling waters of sonic danger. (How many of you blokes know how to swim out of a riptide? There's a secret to it, but I'm keepin' it to myself.)
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'BLAST' is a heavy-chorded piece of menace (think Black Sabbath or sumpin' like dat), but 'SWEET WATER' is a fluidly-picked bit of metal funk and neo-reggae rhythms.
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Then we get Hoey's outrageous cover of the old War classic 'LOW RIDER' -- the unofficial theme song of my hometown, Los Angeles (maybe you've heard of the place?) It's obvious that Hoey's amplifiers go "up to 11" and that's where he keeps 'em set during most of these recordings.
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If you don't get mental pictures of some long-haired surfer dude pulling off spinners and hanging ten on his longboard while Hoey plays his original composition 'WALKIN' THE NOSE' then you simply have no imagination whatsoever (and yer gonna be in big trouble when out of the blue I ask you to, "Tell me about your business with Roger O'Vernout.")
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'DRIVE' has a nice little melody; it's not gonna wake the children or anything, but it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.
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With 'LA ROSA NEGRA' (that means "The White Petunia" in Spanish), Hoey gives us his Carlos Santana impersonation; it's fairly Latinized for a White Surfer-lookin' guy, and it's a "daisy" of a tune.
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OK, yer halfway thru this disc now, Surfcats. 'LINUS AND LUCY' is a cover of Vince Guaraldi's famous theme song for the Charlie Brown TV specials, and Hoey launches into it with all kinds of weird harmonic shifts and... somehow I'm tinkin' dat Linus an' da kids (and even Snoopy) would have had a difficult time doing their goofy dances to this version!
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'SURFDOGGIN' is one of my favorite tracks. It's a bit o' ticklin' Country/Surf pickin' (I dunno, but methinks 'Who He Hoey' may have invented a new genre with this composition) and it really shows off his nimble fingers as they fly all over that fretboard and make me smile -- this piece has a real sense o' humor... SERIOUSLY! "No, no, I'm nuh kiddin' you, uh!"
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'PIPE' is an almost indescribably moody composition with Hoey's sparking guitar trading licks with Bud "Barefoot and Slippery" Shank's nasty Tenor Sax and Tony Franklin's great grumbling Bass pushing everything through the whitewater -- possibly my very favorite cut. (It's either this one or 'Surfdoggin'.)
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Hoey duets with one of his heroes, surf guitar legend DICK DALE on Dale's classic 'SHAKE & STOMP (Part II)' and it sounds like that wacko who used to juggle live chain saws on Venice Beach... only faster and louder. Forget about waking the children, this one's gonna getcha evicted from yer apartment.
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'THEME FROM THE ENDLESS SUMMER' is the theme song from the movie 'Endless Summer' (guess that's why they called it that) and I've liked the tune since I first heard the original recording by The Sandals.
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'ESCAPE' is pure Heavy Metal "Shock 'N' Awe" pyrotechnics. You might as well crank it up because the manager's already on his way over to yer unit with the eviction notice in his hand, anyway.
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And the disc ends with the surprisingly "spiritual" 'THE DEEP' -- it's an electric ballad with long notes of sustain. With this one, 'Who He Hoey' proves that still waters really do run DEEP. This is a genuinely moving piece of introspection and a fitting way to end what is otherwise an energetic assault, like an electric eel attack while riding waves in the Big Blue. And for that reason, I love to workout to this disc! Yer gonna dig it too.
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I'll end this review now with just one last question for ya:
"What were you doing on the trail with Lewis and Clark?"
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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GAME OVER: KASPAROV AND THE MACHINE
Documentary featuring Garry Kasparov
released: 2003
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Did GARRY KASPAROV, the world’s greatest chess player, get rooked when he lost a six-game match to IBM’s supercomputer, DEEP BLUE, in 1997? That’s the question that this padded but nonetheless interesting documentary asks you to consider.
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I wasn’t even aware of GAME OVER: KASPAROV AND THE MACHINE until I stumbled over it while Amazon surfing last week. When I was unable to locate a VHS rental copy, I actually bought my first DVD player (NOT made in China, India, or Indonesia) just so I could view this.
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If you have little or no interest in chess (the world’s greatest game!) then there is no chance you’ll find watching the 85 minutes of GAME OVER well spent. On the other hand, if chess fascinates or even interests you, you’ll find the movie flawed but somewhat intriguing.
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I got into chess as a result of the high profile 1972, Fischer versus Spassky match. Later in 1972, I joined the chess club at my junior high school and won the club championship in a three-game match. (But interestingly, the player who most intimidated me was blind. He was a “Chess Game Wizard.”) Back then, I wanted to be ranked a Master by the age of 16, but other interests began vying for my time and attention: art, girls, and sports and/or the art of watching girls in shorts play sports! I never became more than mediocre at best in chess, but I never lost all interest in it either. Nor in watching girls play beach volleyball. : )
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Of this movie’s hour and a half running time, likely 50% of it is unnecessary filler. We get shots of Kasparov revisiting the locales less than 10 years later; the same footage over and over of an old chess-playing contraption; shots of New York City ad nauseam, etc. As Christopher Lloyd said in the movie One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest: Cut the bullshit; play the game! A little atmosphere is fine, but too much of it slows down an already slow contest.
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The crux of Kasparov’s argument follows: After beating DEEP BLUE handily in Game One, in which the computer played a very mathematical, machine-like style, it made a “creative judgment” in Game Two which the man, Kasparov, was certain could only be made by a “man”. Subsequently, he became so unnerved -- convinced that a human mind was responsible for that move (i.e., he was playing against not just a computer, but also against one or more unseen Grand Masters behind the scenes) -- that he prematurely conceded Game Two, which possibly cost him a draw and ultimately the match.
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If chess were purely mathematical, I -- the most mathematically-challenged person on the planet -- would have never won a game. There are rich, creative and psychological elements to chess -- it is NOT strictly mechanical, not just “black and white”, despite the colors of the pieces. It is closer to music than it is to algebra. I have no math skills whatsoever, but I’m extremely analytical and I naturally discern patterns in things. And I can be quite a fearsome psych warrior! As a novice playing against novices, I frequently swapped queens when the only advantage to me was psychological: beginners -- and even some half decent players -- will mentally surrender once they’ve lost their queen. But I KNEW I could win without her, and it only made me bear down and concentrate more. I’ve always been at my best under pressure. But does a computer “got game” when it comes to those additional chess factors?
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When in Game Two, KASPAROV offered up a pawn (or two?) in order to gain a positional advantage in another sector of the board, and DEEP BLUE declined to take the piece, Kasparov became suspicious and lost his composure. It was as if a dog passed up ground beef because it “speculated” that there might be filet mignon three blocks away. Is a dog (or computer) capable of that kind of “thought”? Or will it immediately take the first gift offered? How can it sniff out a stratagem from a mistake? Well, Deep Blue saying, “Thanks, but no thanks” made Kasparov deeply blue. The rest is history.
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I really wish that the filmmaker had dispensed with 15 minutes of superfluous “atmosphere” shots and spent it really analyzing that key move in Game Two. (One of the DVD’s Special Features replays all of the games with very basic commentary on each move, but no mention is made of the questionable moment in Game Two or of the importance it held.)
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What was Kasparov really attempting to accomplish by sacrificing a pawn or two? How obvious was the advantage in position that he would have gained? How much “creative thinking” did Deep Blue have to perform in order to “see through the ground beef”? How did the computer go from mechanical playing to “humanistic” playing overnight? Was IBM playing chess games with Kasparov, or playing mind games with him? You’ll never know until you check, mate!
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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