"FRIENDS ARE THE ONES WHO YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE FUNERAL FOR AFTER YOU KILL THEM." [Page 46]

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GOODBYE, MEXICO
by Phillip Jennings
published: 2007
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I spend a lot of time reading nonfiction books related to government conspiracies, government corruption, government bungling, and the malfeasance of government officials. You know, just basic government. But every so often, all that basic government will cause my eyes to get glassy, my brain to turn to Jello (blue raspberry), and my sense of right and wrong to become blurred. When that occurs, I know it’s time to take a little break; which I just did recently by reading GOODBYE MEXICO, a work of fiction about government conspiracies, government corruption, government bungling, and the malfeasance of government officials. Boy, do I feel refreshed!
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The cover of GOODBYE MEXICO says it was written by a guy named Phillip Jennings. That’s where reality stops and the outrageous, satirical adventures and misadventures in mad, covert operations begin. It’s a story of subterfuge built upon the sturdy foundation of government intelligence, counterintelligence, double-crossings, triple-crossings, and burro crossings. And unfortunately for Jack Armstrong, the self-professed “Mama’s boy” and former Marine attempting to do his duty as a CIA agent while maintaining a relatively calm life, the individual trying to direct all of this insanity -- in a sense, playing “The Crossing Guard” -- is Armstrong’s old Marine buddy, “that damn Gearheardt.”
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Gearheardt is (so to speak) back from the dead and working with the CIA (kinda, sorta) and cooking up a plan in Mexico to oust Castro from Cuba in order to turn the country over to internacional prostitutas. Meanwhile, other factions have other intentions for Cuba and Gearheardt doesn’t know the difference between a pinata and a Chihuahua. (Hell, EVERYONE knows that the dog yelps when you hit it with the stick!)
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As the plot thickens, even the ordinarily super-cool, super-calm, and super-collected wiseass, Gearheardt, is a bit troubled by his inability to keep things straight: “Don’t you hate the missions where you have a bunch of people lined up to assassinate someone and then everything gets mixed up and no one knows who’s killing who?”
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If this all sounds “over-the-top”, it IS! Imagine something like the movie DR. STRANGELOVE Or HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB and then ramp up the Farce Factor two or three times. (Yeah, you read that correctly -- I said “ramp it up”, not “tone it down.”) It’s “over-the-top” like going over Niagra Falls in a barrel with sharp objects, a screaming woman, and a laughing hyena! Hmmm … Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, on page 165 of GOODBYE MEXICO.
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Or, to mix my metaphors, GOODBYE MEXICO reminded me of being on the Mad Tea Cup ride at Disneyland: While the cup is spinning wildly, it is simultaneously moving in a predetermined direction.  In other words, it is not out of control, but merely seems that way.  Much like the Earth itself I might add: While it is spinning around its global axis at about 1,000 miles an hour, it is also rotating around the Sun -- it has a plan, a purpose! (Which reminds me... did you ever consider that while they sit fascinated by the sight of cars racing around the INDY 500 track at about 160 miles an hour, the spectators in the stands are themselves turning more than five times faster?)
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While GOODBYE MEXICO is often riotously funny, I did encounter a couple of problems with it: There are times when the story calls for a genuine emotional reaction, but I don't think I can be expected to laugh at an absurd satire and then later, when things turn serious, to invest enough belief in the story to experience anything resembling authentic empathy. A story with characters and situations this far removed from what we deem to be reality necessarily sacrifices its ability to evoke pathos.
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As I recently said to someone (who shall remain nameless because I don’t want you to know that I associate with such people), something minor, but which also negatively impacted my enjoyment, is that I think I pretty much reached my saturation point with "Tough Chick" stories more than ten years ago.  It seems as if that's all we ever get anymore and -- along with the ubiquitous "guy taking a shot to the family jewels" gag that rarely gets left out of any Hollywood movie or TV production -- I've had more than enough of it. The "Warrior Babe" is an exaggerated character type that I've grown weary of seeing. Additionally, GOODBYE MEXICO was a bit too outlandish and perhaps a shade too bawdy for my own tastes, but those things are subjective.
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Although I might not be GOODBYE MEXICO’s ideal reader, undoubtedly there is a large audience out there for it. For one thing, any woman who’s ever felt the desire to castrate a man for any reason will surely find that GOODBYE MEXICO gets her rocks off. Uhm... well, you know what I mean. Or you will. The story is frantically-funny and fast-paced; the plot has more “twists” than a bartender in a busy cocktail lounge; the principal protagonists (especially “that damn Gearheardt” who reminds me a lot of one of my own good friends from the past) are wonderfully drawn; and the insane denouement to the insane labyrinth of intrigues is probably nothing short of a stroke of genius -- wickedly humorous and absolutely apropos.
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GOODBYE MEXICO is a dizzying, Mad Cup of Tea, and if you’re going to climb into bed with spies, revolutionaries, counterrevolutionaries, and angry prostitutes, then consider yourself forewarned.
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Until our next rendezvous under the cover of darkness and Satire with a capital “S”, this is Mr. Nada Zilch (a.k.a. Agent Double-“OH!” Zero) saying, “ADIOS, MUCHACHOS Y MUCHACHAS.”
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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