ODE TO MAN'S BEST FRIEND

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I AM PUPPY, HEAR ME YAP
by Valerie Shaff & Roy Blount, Jr.
published: 2000
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You can keep your new, gold Lexus;
Fancy cars just ain't my cup of tea.
Don't care about computer games;
These things don't appeal at all to me.


Some folks need the latest gadgets,
And have their homes filled with high-tech toys:
iPods and digital cameras,
Whatever makes electronic noise.


Now they've even got a cell phone
They can use to take a photograph,
But "He kept up with the Joneses"
Won't be written as my epitaph.


Because I know that Palm Pilots,
And expensive name brand tennis shoes,
Silk shirts and laptop computers,
Will never save a man from The Blues.


If happiness is what you seek,
It's really a simple equation:
Jettison computerized junk;
Get a Lab, Shepherd, or Dalmatian!


While some people dabble in fish,
Others try turtles, hamsters or mice.
Trust me and go with the canine --
You'll find yourself in Pet Paradise!


The Woman weeps watching Chick Flicks,
While late at night she cuddles her cat.
Reaching for tissues and chocolate,
She winds up dehydrated and fat.


But Men have the best idea
For getting their emotions to mend:
In the yard they'll romp 'n' rassle,
And play some Fetch with a "Man's Best Friend."


But suppose your yard is too small,
And constant barking makes your head ache.
I know how you can have your dog
Without yapping that keeps you awake.


Buy 'I AM PUPPY, HEAR ME YAP'
For you are bound to smile and to laugh.
The witty verse is by Roy Blount,
The great photos by Valerie Shaff.


All types of dogs will be found here;
Some noble, some filthy, some cleaner;
"The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly"
And one even looks like a wiener!


I've been so grateful for this book,
It makes owning a dog such a breeze!
There's no feeding and no walking,
And I don't miss a house full of fleas.


Happily there are no drawbacks,
But there's one thing the book can't replace:
When I have come home after work,
This publication can't lick my face.


Still, choosing it over a dog --
The decision for me wasn't hard.
I enjoy canine company
Without stepping in poop in my yard.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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DON’T BOGART THAT VERY “GUILTY PLEASURE”, DUDE (*A Haiku Review)

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THE SPIRIT OF '76
starring David Cassidy
released: 1990
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Loud clothes! Fords explode!
Seventies: silly, zitful.
STILL want Susan Dey!
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haiku review by...

D-FensDogG
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50/50, LIKE FINDING “NUTS” IN MY ICE CREAM (*A Haiku Review)

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RULE BY SECRECY
by Jim Marrs
published: 2000
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Smorgasbord of facts,
Myths, guesswork. Who rules this world?
No -- Shhhhh! -- it’s secret.
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haiku review by... 

D-FensDogG
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SIZE 18 FROM OUTER SPACE (*A Haiku Review)

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GLEN OR GLENDA
directed by Ed Wood; starring Ed Wood
released: 1953
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Ed’s pink angora
IN GLORIOUS BLACK AND WHITE.
“Oooh, that’s scary, kids!”
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haiku review by...
 

D-FensDogG

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THE AGED AQUARIUS Now Resides At THE GOLDEN DREAM Retirement Community (*A Haiku Review)

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THE VERY BEST OF THE 5th DIMENSION
The 5ifth Dimension
released: 1999
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Love’s harmony to
Psychedelic groovyness.
Far out, man! Far out!
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haiku review by...
 

D-FensDogG
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"REAL WOMAN" Defined

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THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A WOMAN
by Alice von Hildebrand
published: 2002
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In a recent E-mail exchange with a 43-year-old female friend of mine living on the East Coast, I asked her to give me her definitions of the terms "Real Man" and "Real Woman". She replied with a beautiful little one-sentence definition of a "Real Man", but then followed that up with this: "A real woman? That's easy: a girl who rides a motorcycle in a skirt." I can't even begin to describe the depth of my disappointment in that definition, coming as it does from a generally spiritually-minded woman. But then I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised seeing as how she (and every other female of her generation) has been exposed to 40 years of Feminist indoctrination. I thought how sad it was that she -- a woman herself -- seemed to have even less understanding of what makes a "Real Woman" than I had, and here I -- being a man -- am a supposedly insensitive brute of a thing ("a bear with furniture" to quote the very funny comedienne, Elaine Boozler).
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This only goes to emphasize the point that those extremist social engineers we call "Feminists" have been so effective in twisting and confusing the minds of the vast majority of the female gender that even "spiritual" women no longer recognize what they are and what they are supposed to do in support of the human society (as dictated by their Creator, The Lord God).
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I do not read anything without having a yellow (yellow ONLY!) highlighter nearby. I highlight favorite sentences and passages in EVERYTHING I read, that includes fiction and even magazines. 'THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A WOMAN' by Catholic writer and thinker Alice von Hildebrand is, at only 108 pages, not much more than a booklet, but don't let that fool you into thinking that she doesn't have much to say about the privileges of being a woman: my copy of her book is thoroughly filled with yellow highlighted sections. In fact, there are so many penetrating insights packed into each page that I have rarely highlighted so many sentences per page in any book other than The Holy Bible!
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When I first read 'THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A WOMAN', I was blown away by how much of great value Hildebrand had to say on the subject. (And I finished the book sort of feeling that I had been cheated by being born "a bear with furniture".) Hildebrand dedicated her excellent book "WITH LOVING GRATITUDE TO MY DEAR FRIENDS WHO ALL LOVE TO BE WOMEN." Following is just a very small sampling of the many profound and extraordinary observations Hildebrand shares with us about the privileges of being a woman:
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* As sanctity is devalued in [Socialistic feminist, Simone de Beauvoir's] eyes (as a poor substitute for great achievements), the highest praise that can be given anyone, male or female -- namely holiness -- is, to her mind, only a left-handed compliment. ... What characterizes holiness is this limitless readiness to serve others. [pages 6 & 32]
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* Yet it seems evident that even in the face of their physical vulnerability, given their greater sensitivity, their more subtle intuitions, their talent for feeling themselves into others, women have greater possibilities of uplifting or of hurting others than those usually granted to the opposite sex. [page 9]
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* The feminists acknowledge the superiority of the male sex by wishing to become like men. [page 10]
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* The denigration of women is clearly a sad consequence of original sin which has subverted the hierarchy of values. ... Original sin was a sin of pride, of disobedience, of irreverence, and of metaphysical revolt that led to an inversion of the hierarchy of values. ... As women are weaker than men, and as they do not bask in the limelight as much as men do, as they are less "creative" than the strong sex, they are bound to be the victims of this distorted hierarchy of values. ... but that feminists have endorsed this inversion is still more pitiful. Imprisoned in the spiritual jail of secular categories, they fail to understand that their true mission is to swim against the tide and, with God's grace, help restore the proper hierarchy of values. By living up to their calling, women will succeed in guaranteeing a proper recognition of the unique value of femininity and its crucial mission in the world. ... The "weakness" of the female sex, as far as accomplishments and productivity are concerned, can be more than compensated by her moral strength when she lives up to her calling. ... But feminists -- blinded by secularism -- do what, in fact, will lead to a worsening of women's situation. Feminists are women's great enemy. [pages 21, 26 & 29]
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* Nietzsche perceived clearly that the emancipation of women is a symptom that their feminine instincts are weakening. ... The whole tragedy of contemporary feminism -- which Cardinal Josef Ratzinger [now the Pope] considers one of the greatest threats menacing the Church -- stems from a lack of faith and a loss of the sense of the supernatural. Feminism is inconceivable in a world rooted in Judeo-Christian values. ... The new age philosophy of feminism, in waging war on femininity, is in fact waging war on Christianity. For in the Divine plan both are intimately linked. Not Socialism, as Simone de Beauvoir believed, but Christ is the great ally of women. Modern ideology wages war on the Gospel which teaches humility and that those who lower themselves will be exalted. [pages 30 & 32]
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[Speaking of humility, let's not forget that Jesus Christ said that He "did not come to be served, but to serve." (Matthew 20:28) And after all is said and done, who would you prefer to be remembered in this world as being most like, Bill Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Mother Teresa and even Jesus Christ Himself? ~STMcC]
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* Here is a truth worth meditating upon: Women are more geared to piety because they have a keener awareness of their weaknesses. This is their true strength. [page 66]
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[And let's not forget that Saint Paul was directly told by Jesus Christ that his strength would be "made perfect in weakness". See 2 Corinthians 12:9. ~STMcC]
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* (Regarding the context of women and childbirth, the great Christian commentator G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) writes...) "No one staring at that frightful female privilege, can quite believe in the equality of the sexes." [page 87]
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And in keeping with the spirit of that observation, I am about to reveal one of my secret inner beliefs; something that I -- until now -- have never told a single person, but a thought that I have entertained in my heart and mind for many years. This is an exclusive!:
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It seems to me that if all of the world's masterpieces of art, and all of its most uplifting and poetic writings, and all of its most emotionally moving musical compositions were gathered together in one place, they would still not come close to equalling the beauty in the simple God-created concept of a mother feeding her baby from her own body. Maybe you wouldn't expect such a thought coming from an "old school" man like myself, but there it is! That's what I really think. And the world's most supreme beauty is something that I, being a male, will never experience! (Now, try to imagine the revulsion I felt during that disgusting scene in that disgusting movie, 'Million Dollar Baby', when Clint Eastwood tells his female boxer, "I want you to jab, right in the tits, until they turn blue and fall off." Phuq Clint Eastwood and the horse he rode in on!)
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Never having been a Catholic, the only aspect of this book that I have less than glowing comments for are its few (and I do mean "few") instances of Catholic dogma with which I do not concur. But these are rare occurrences and are easily overlooked. In light of the Spiritually deep and worldview-altering insights that Alice von Hildebrand shares with us, lowering this publication's 5-Star grade because of them would be an irresponsible act.
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It seems that God never intended me to marry and become the head of a family. One problem was that -- in this feminist-dominated era -- I could not find "Real Women" potential mates. One great, notable exception was (my ex-girlfriend) "The Countess", a Real Woman for sure! But evidently marriage was just never in the cards that God dealt to us.
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At nearly 47, a "family" is now out of the question for me. But if I'd had any children, I would have insisted that they read and display a comprehensive understanding of 'THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A WOMAN' by Alice von Hildebrand. And I don't mean that just my girls would have had to read it; it would have been on the REQUIRED READING list for my boys as well. Why? Because once a male has understood the awesome privilege and responsibility that God has entrusted to the female gender, he would thereafter be perfectly incapable of physically or sexually abusing or mistreating women in any way!
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I now urge you to read 'THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A WOMAN' and then pass it on to your own daughters (and sons) before "Real Women" become an even greater rarity in our culture than "Honest Politicians". And as it stands right now, I'd call that one a draw.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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AND EAT YOUR SPINACH, TOO!

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(For the life o' me I can't figure out why I feel inspired to post THIS review TODAY, but much of my life is lived in a stream o' consciousness way. ;o)
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WHO MOVED THE STONE?
A Skeptic Looks At The Death And Resurrection Of Christ
by Frank Morison
published: 1930
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While I am not a "Christian" according to the fullness of the contemporary orthodox definition of that word, I unhesitatingly acknowledge that Yeshua (Jesus) is my Holy King and personal Sinless Savior, and I am well past ANY doubt that The Bible was Divinely inspired -- although certainly not entirely inerrant as "Born Again" Christians somehow insist. I don't exactly recall when or why I came into possession of 'WHO MOVED THE STONE?' but finding it in my "To-Be-Read" Bookcase, and knowing it is considered one of the true classics in Christian apologetics, written by a former skeptic, I read it with interest.
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I appreciated the powerful reasoning ability that Frank Morison brought to the Scriptures and how he -- much like I tend to do -- dissected passages, examining every word for nuance and hidden meaning. A couple of reviewers have complained that Morison uses only the Bible itself to prove the historicity of the Gospel accounts of the Resurrection of Christ. Though this is not wholly true (he occasionally references extra-Biblical sources such as the Apocrypha and the Jewish historian, Josephus), I think that the thrust of his argument is that the New Testament "books" contain many internal proofs of their authenticity. I agree! Even so, one reviewer at Amazon.com wrote, "Though this is an interesting study, this is not a book for newcomers." And I agree with him also (we'll come back to this point later).
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My personal definition of a 3-Star book is: "Worthwhile though notably flawed." In what way is 'WHO MOVED THE STONE?' notably flawed? The book was originally published in 1930 and Morison's writing exhibits the more formal style (read: "stiff") of his times. It's nothing like trying to read Shakespeare, yet be prepared for words like "hitherto" and "hardihood", and phrases such as "wrought to the extremest pitch of anguish" and "ever memorable in human history." These are small prices to pay for the meaning that his careful analysis sometimes wrings from the Scriptures.
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Still, I feel that some of his conclusions are highly arguable -- being based on tortured suppositions -- and I even disagree with one or two basic assumptions (e.g., on page 37 Morison states that at The Last Supper, Judas knew that the Spirit of Jesus was "already bending to the Cross". I am not the only person who believes that Judas recognized Jesus as the true Messiah but didn't recognize the Messiah's true mission. Judas meant to force Jesus into a position where He would have to assert Himself and violently defend his Kingship. Judas was caught by surprise when Jesus went to the Cross rather than fighting for the Crown, thus the "traitor's" remorse that drove him to suicide in Matthew 27). But one doesn't need to agree with every point in a book for it to be well worth the reading.
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I particularly enjoyed Morison noting that it would actually have been strange "if the band of mourners had not been predominantly women". It makes perfect sense these being "the mothers of His men and the woman whose life His influence had utterly transfigured" and that they were in possession of "the mighty and unchanging instincts of the human heart, especially the feminine heart."
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And chapter 12 which takes a good hard look at the motivating factors that drove Saul / Paul, "the man from Tarsus", from being "the outstanding figure on one side of the controversy" to becoming "the outstanding figure on the other" was very well conceived and executed. Morison even observes that Paul believed that Jesus would return in glory to the earth during Paul's own lifetime. This gets overlooked by so many Bible students. There's reason to suspect that John also misperceived the timing of the "Second Coming". Peter, it seems, was the only apostle who clearly understood that the return of Jesus was two thousand years in the future (see 2nd Peter:3).
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Overall, 'WHO MOVED THE STONE' is a valuable lesson in deductive reasoning, and reading it would help train anyone's mind in the way that he or she should undertake a serious study of Scripture. (I'm always surprised when supposedly earnest Bible students give me that blank stare when I mention that there are verses in the Bible that indicate Jesus had the ability to materialize and dematerialize at will PRIOR to the Crucifixion and Resurrection! Aren't they THINKING about what they're reading?)
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If that "Still, Small Voice" inside is telling you to acquire this book and read it now, I am the last person who would attempt to dissuade you from doing so. But I will also point out that if you are new to Scripture study and simply looking for something to get you started and to give you confidence in the reliability of the Bible, there are probably better points of entry. If you want something very brief but potent, I would first recommend the booklet MORE THAN A CARPENTER by Josh McDowell. If you want something more extensive, then go with LEARN THE BIBLE IN 24 HOURS by Chuck Missler. But either way, I would suggest that you EVENTUALLY make time to examine what Frank Morison has to say here, and make double certain that someday you also investigate the book MERE CHRISTIANITY by the brilliant C.S. Lewis. (For the particularly intellectually-minded skeptics, there is no substitution for EVIDENCE FOR FAITH: Deciding The God Question edited by John Warwick Montgomery.)
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As Pope Yoey O'Dogherty VII wrote in his second papal bull, "È necessario leggere tutto il libro di Frank Morison e mangiare il vostro spinaci. Essi sono un bene per voi." I've been told that this translates to, "You must read the whole book by Frank Morison and eat your spinach. They are good for you."
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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“FANTABULOUS!”

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LIVE AT MONTREUX -- 1980 / 1974
Van Morrison
released: 2006
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In a sense, VAN MORRISON has figured prominently in my life and in fact, in an indirect way, he saved me from a life of great regret...
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I was a huge fan of VAN THE MAN in 1986, and one day I returned home practically giddy from having just located what was at that time a few hard-to-find Van Morrison vinyl LPs. As fate would have it, just as I got out of my car, with my new used albums tucked under one arm, Andy, a loyal old friend of mine pulled up to the curb in his battered old pickup truck. Andy and I’d had something of a falling-out over some inconsequential issue and we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other for some time.
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But I was in such a good mood, having just acquired long sought after Morrison music, that in that very moment, I buried the past, forgave Andy for whatever slight I’d been holding against him, and I greeted him as the true friend of fifteen years he really was. We spoke briefly and then parted as the good pals we’d always been. That was the last time I saw Andy -– truly one of the greatest friends I have ever had. Not long afterwards, I learned of his suicide in California City.
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Many times in the subsequent years, I’ve revisited that day in my mind and shuddered to think, “What if I hadn’t just found those Van Morrison records, and hadn’t been in such a magnanimous mood? What if, instead, I had given Andy the cold shoulder? Treated him like a dog? How would I have ever lived with that last memory and the tremendous remorse I would have carried with me all these years?” Fortunately, I haven’t had to beat myself up over a regrettable event that might have occurred twenty-one years ago. In a way, I owe the music of Van Morrison much gratitude for changing my life in an unexpected way!
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This last Christmas, I received the DVD VAN MORRISON LIVE AT MONTREUX 1980/1974 from my friend, Kevin, “The Kansas Kid.” Perhaps you’ve heard of him? He’s currently wanted in seven states for crimes ranging from bank robbery and train robbery to shooting innocent zoo animals... with a camera. Kevin’s a good buddy and he knows how to please ol’ Stephen T. If you, too, are a fan of Van The Man's music, this selection is a real no-brainer -- you can buy with total confidence.
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I’ve seen Van perform live at least four times in my life. When he’s in the mood, he’s a compelling entertainer. At the Montreux Jazz Festival, he was definitely in the mood, and his band –- as always –- consisted of nothing less than the finest musicians. You know Van, if a musician can’t please the man, they’re out on their can!
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Both discs in this set are excellent, but whereas the June 30, 1974 performance is shorter and more Blues dominated, I prefer the July 19, 1980 show. It contains some of Van’s more extended Jazzy pieces which are rarely, if ever, played live anymore -– particularly those long, meditative works from his underrated COMMON ONE release. Van’s looking pretty trim here (you know, for Van, I mean), and we get to see him with his outrageously talented horn men, Pee Wee Ellis (tenor sax) and Mark Isham (trumpet).
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Some of the performance highlights for me include:
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TROUBADOURS – I always considered this to be one of the lesser tracks on what is easily one of Van’s greatest sets, INTO THE MUSIC. But here, Isham and Ellis are blowing as if to save their lives, and when the audience broke into applause at its conclusion, I very nearly did the same thing right in my own living room!
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During the intro to SPIRIT, John Allair locks into such a spirited, funky groove that he can’t remain seated at the organ -– the music itself demands that he stand!
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SUMMERTIME IN ENGLAND – The song moves from a meditation to unrestrained exuberance, where Pee Wee nearly blows the roof off the place, until the song downshifts back into a meditation just prior to launching into a “fantabulous” rendition of Morrison’s MOONDANCE masterpiece.
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HAUNTS OF ANCIENT PEACE – This gives us a tremendously soulful solo from Pee Wee.
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There’s a wonderful little moment early on in this ultimate version of TUPELO HONEY, where Isham and Ellis simultaneously play their respective horn parts, and then as they back away from their mics, they glance at each other and exchange self-satisfied smiles. Here are two fine musicians in their prime and immersed in the joy of their art. There’s no competition; there’s no race (even though Isham is White and Ellis is Black); there’s no time; there’s just this *NOW* and the knowledge that supreme artists are combining their talents in the act of creating something very beautiful!
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On the downside, despite the quality of musicianship, LISTEN TO THE LION never comes close to matching the studio version from the SAINT DOMINIC'S PREVIEW album, but then how could it? That is one of the most introspective and intense pieces of music ever recorded. Morrison could tap that depth only once. (His version on 1973’s IT’S TOO LATE TO STOP NOW –- unquestionably one of the greatest live albums ever released -– never came close either. Saint Dominic’s LISTEN TO THE LION was just too roaringly glorious to ever be replicated even by Van, the man himself. That was a once-in-a-lifetime performance!) But when Van sings, “I believe I’ve transcended myself, child” in the encore, ANGELOU, for a minute there, it almost seems as if indeed he has!
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WHY do I think this live concert DVD is so good? Well, sure I could talk about the various camera angles, the clear picture, the crisp sound. I could explain why Pee Wee Ellis is a saxgod. I could discuss in greater detail the top-notch, eight-piece band and the Jazz explorations of one of the world’s great songwriters and his Irish muse. Or I could simply quote from one of his own songs:
It ain’t why, why, why.
It ain’t why, why, why.
It ain’t why, why, why.
It just IS!
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Hopefully you have learned two things from this review of mine:
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1) You can purchase VAN MORRISON LIVE AT MONTREUX 1980/1974 with complete assurance that as a Morrison fan (or just a person who appreciates exceptional musicianship) your money will be well spent. And...
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2) You should always treat your loved ones very good because you just never know when you are seeing them for the... very... last... time.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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EXAMINES EVERY FACET OF THE DIAMOND

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THE BASEBALL FAN'S COMPANION:
How To Watch The Game Like An Expert
by Nick Bakalar
published: 1996
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OK, I've got good news and bad news.
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THE BAD NEWS: I read Nick Bakalar's book, 'THE BASEBALL FAN'S COMPANION' in its entirety and only encountered a couple of things about baseball that I didn't already know.
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THE GOOD NEWS: I'm forty-six years old, I've spent my entire life watching, following and playing baseball. I have a lifetime's worth of baseball knowledge crammed into my grey bean and this book covered all of the information that it took me over four decades of devotion to baseball to acquire. So what I'm really saying here is that if you are new to baseball and want to gain a full understanding of how the game is played and the strategies that are employed by managers and players in an attempt to score at least one more run than their opponent does, then this book is all ya really need.
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Some people claim that BASEBALL IS LIFE. I won't go that far, but I will say that baseball is far and away my favorite sport (followed by football and then chess. And if you don't think chess is a sport it's only because you've never sat across a board from me. Chess is not only a sport, but I prove it to be a CONTACT sport!)
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When my Pa married my Ma, he didn't know much about baseball, after all, Los Angeles was football territory and professional baseball didn't reach that city until 1958, the year my parents tied the knot and the same year that the Dodgers moved West. My Ma was already a baseball junkie coming from Cincinnati where she'd dated a couple of the Reds players at different times and followed the team almost like a religion.
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When the Dodgers followed my Ma West to L.A., she took a job with the organization. While Dodger stadium was still under construction, she was told to go down on her lunch break and select her seats if she wanted to purchase season tickets. Being a very smart woman, she went down and chose the two best seats in the stadium. (No, I'm not kidding.) Subsequently, my Bro, my Sis and I all literally grew up at Dodger stadium, raised on Dodger Dogs, peanuts and Cracker Jacks.
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I have photos hanging on the walls of my house that show me hanging out with the likes of Sandy Koufax, Duke Snider, Jim Gilliam, and Dick Bass, etc. (If yer a real sports fan you know that the last name belongs to a famous Rams running back, not a baseball player.)
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Even when our family was fairly poor in later years, with financial help from my Grandpa, we still managed to keep the season tickets and now my Aunt Jane owns them. I'm telling you all this only so you will appreciate the fact that baseball has really been a very significant part of this reviewer's life. I KNOW THE GAME! And if you want to know the game as well as I do, all ya gotzta do is read 'THE BASEBALL FAN'S COMPANION'.
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Nick Bakalar does a fine job in explaining the sport and examining all of its nuances; everything from the art of pitching, defensive positioning, hitting, and even the largely misunderstood science of baserunning / basestealing -- this is where even many serious fans fall short in their understanding. In other words, Bakalar's "got all of the bases covered." (Sorry, sometimes I can't help myself.) He explores the thinking of pitchers, hitters, position players, managers and even umpires, which he claims "are people, too" (although he didn't prove that to this reader's satisfaction). And Bakalar does it all with clarity, humor, and an obvious passion for the game.
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If you've been sitting there watching a baseball game and thinking that it's slow and boring because nothing seems to be happening, it's only in your mind where nothing's happening. You simply haven't grasped the game yet. As my friend, Rick Bass (son of Dick Bass), who played professionally says, "There's ALWAYS something happening in baseball!"
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This book will get your head in the game. I won't say it's a home run; I'll say he's hit the ball into the gap for a three-bagger, only because I take exception to his analysis comparing Dave Kingman with Tony Gwynn. (Gimme Gwynn any day! Bakalar didn't factor in where the two hit in the order: Kingman's job was to drive 'em in; Gwynn's was to be on base to BE driven in. Which one completed his assignment most often, and what was the quality of the players surrounding them?) And in his fun chapter, 'CHATTER: How They Talk Baseball And How You Can Too' (which will have you speaking "Baseball lingo" as well as I do in no-time flat) he missed one of the most obvious: A "Twin Killing" means a double play.
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Ladies, are you sick and tired of hearing your husband say, "Not now, honey. It's the bottom of the tenth with two outs, a full count, the winning run in scoring position, the closer is wild and the cleanup hitter's in the box" and wondering what in the world he's talking about? Then get 'THE BASEBALL FAN'S COMPANION'. The next time you'll be able to answer your husband with, "When he strikes out chasing the high cheese, come here and give me a hand" and yer couch potato hubby's gonna fall right outta the cushion's indentation.
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I need to close this review with one of my favorite baseball stories (not included in Bakalar's book) about Ted Williams -- in my opinion, the greatest hitter who ever lived:
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There was a young pitcher new to the major leagues. He was facing a batter by the name of Ted Williams. "Ball three", said the umpire; and the pitcher walked halfway to the plate and screamed, "What was wrong with that pitch?!" The umpire dusted off the plate without answering. The young, frustrated pitcher wound up and threw; Williams whacked the ball and it flew over the Fenway Park fence for a home run. The umpire walked out toward the pitcher and said to the rookie, "You see, son, when you throw a strike, you don't have to look to me; Mr. Williams will let you know."
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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Atheists, Be Afraid. Be VERY AFRAID!

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THE RESURRECTION OF THE SHROUD:
New Scientific, Medical And Archeological Evidence

by Mark Antonacci
published: 2000
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Five Stars? Oh! You'd better believe it!
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Some previous reviewers have done a very admirable job in extolling this "WONDER-FULL" book. I merely wish to add my voice to the chorus singing its praises.
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THE SHROUD OF TURIN is an ancient burial cloth containing the mysterious image of a Man who had evidently been crucified -- believed by many to be Jesus Christ. The internationally renowned Peruvian poet, Yoey O'Dogherty, once wrote, "Nothing astounds like Truth." And the truth that has made The Shroud the most studied and least understood artifact on planet Earth is astounding indeed!
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About 4 years ago, I happened to catch the author, MARK ANTONACCI, being interviewed on a radio program and found his statements so interesting that I went right out and acquired a copy of his book 'THE RESURRECTION OF THE SHROUD'. From a young age, I had been intrigued by the implications of the Shroud although my knowledge was limited. Like countless millions of other people, when the 1988 Carbon-14 dating test results were announced, "proving" the Shroud to be a hoax conceived between 1260 and 1390 A.D., I thought, "Well, so it goes." Of course, I've learned A LOT about human nature and some so-called "scientists" since then. I'm not so gullible anymore, and after reading 'THE RESURRECTION OF THE SHROUD' I'm more intrigued than ever by this extraordinary treasure!
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In the preface, the former agnostic, Mark Antonacci, relates how he was somewhat mysteriously goaded into investigating the Shroud, and how in pacing his apartment, reluctantly pondering some of its unfathomable anomalies, it suddenly hit him in midstep: "If all of the possible implications from the scientific examination were true, it would not be bad news -- it would be good news."
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Give Antonacci plenty of credit for having been an intellectually honest skeptic, unlike the flapjack who wrote the Kirkus review. That writer says that 'THE RESURRECTION OF THE SHROUD' "is unlikely to win any converts among empirical-minded skeptics." BALDERDASH! That is EXACTLY the sort of person who will be knocked for a loop by this great book! Actually, it is the intellectually dishonest (scared out of his wits) individual who will not permit himself to be converted, who will dismiss it. I know there are willfully ignorant people out there, but you'd hope that they could at least be a bit more imaginative and less blatant in their efforts to mislead others with their bias.
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True, the book explores some fairly heavy scientific principles, but necessarily so. Unless the reader understands the science behind it, he or she will fail to appreciate the incomprehensible attributes of the Shroud. But if it makes you feel any better, I can tell you with perfect honesty that I'm one of the least mathematically and scientifically-minded people on God's green earth! I must be operating from the "left field" side of the brain, or something. And if I could follow the science, so will you. I found the information unspeakably fascinating because of its portent.
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Once you've grasped the complexity of it, you'll understand why John Walsh has written, "The Shroud of Turin is either the most awesome and instructive relic of Jesus Christ in existence... or it is one of the most ingenious, most unbelievably clever products of the human mind and hand on record. It is one or the other; there is no middle ground." And how the respected scientist John Heller could claim that, "If you were to give me a budget of ten million dollars and told me to make a replica of it [the Shroud]... I would not know how to do it."
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You'll learn why the faction that wants us to believe that the Shroud (which displays many anomalies that contemporary science can't even explain) is the handiwork of a medieval artist doesn't have a leg to stand on. And why the Carbon-14 dating procedure, which supposedly put the final nail in the Shroud's coffin, was unreliable to say the least!
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Antonacci's book examines the Shroud from every conceivable angle, including the very possible and enlightening connection between It and the Mandylion -- gee whillikers! (Oops. Is one still allowed to say, "gee whillikers" in 2005?) It left this reader thoroughly mesmerized. Buy the book and be amazed. Be VERY AMAZED!
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I could go on all day about this book, but I'm going to pack it in here. I gotta go find that deceptive Kirkus reviewer now and take him out to the woodshed. (Oh, come on, I'm only kidding! I know that God wouldn't approve of that. ...Or would He? Doesn't The Bible say, "Spare the rod, spoil the Kirkus reviewer"?)
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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JUST SAY, "NO!"

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ALIEN AGENDA
by Jim Marrs
published: 1997
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Let's begin with the obvious: Somehow you just have to like a book about flying saucers and aliens written by a man named MARRS (even if these creepy dudes aren't really originating from distant planets -- as I'm convinced they aren't). I've just read ALIEN AGENDA for the second time, and if a more thorough overview of the UFO phenomenon (along with all of its auxiliary mysteries such as abductions, crop circles, & cattle mutilations) has been published, then I'm unaware of it.
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The book opens with a bang as Marrs (correctly) states, "The controversy over the existence of UFOs is over. UFOs are real." The only people who would contend with that are those who have not objectively studied the subject in depth, and those who are too frightened to admit the obvious. I am dismayed by a few of my fellow reviewers who decry a lack of evidence to support the UFO "concept." If they were expecting a UFO to emerge from between the pages when they first cracked this book open, then it is no wonder they were disappointed.
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ALIEN AGENDA documents the testimony of innumerable individuals who claim to have observed incomprehensible, unearthly flying objects. Some of these well-respected, rational people include an astronaut, doctor, fighter pilot, archbishop, police chief, aircraft design company employee, Air Force lieutenant, deputy federal marshal, Franciscan nun, Air Force major, radar operator, brigadier general, county sheriff, geologist, physicist, chemist, petroleum engineer, secretary of the Navy, Navy photographer, senator, astronomer, lieutenant colonel, civil defense director, military intelligence officer, and a priest! If a collection of eyewitnesses like this was arrayed against you in a court of law to testify that they had seen you kill your mother-in-law, you can be most certain that a lethal injection would be awaiting you in your immediate future. (Either that or a commendation, depending upon your mother-in-law.)
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And yet, when the testimony concerns flying saucers and aliens, suddenly people are quick to brand it "unreliable" and dismiss it. We can't have it both ways! Out here where I live, most of us couldn't beat a dead dog lying by the side of the road in an I.Q. contest, but still we're smart enough to realize that testimony from people like the aforementioned constitutes valid evidence in support of the UFO phenomenon.
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In addition, I'd say that when a former director of the C.I.A. publicly states that UFOs are real and that "through official secrecy and ridicule, many citizens are led to believe the unknown flying objects are nonsense", and when a professionally esteemed physicist says of crop circles, "whatever is doing these formations is affecting the fundamental biophysics and biochemistry of the plants... the basic micro fibril structures of the plants have been altered. Such cellular changes cannot be hoaxed", then it's time that we sit up straight at our desks and start taking notes!
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No proof? No evidence? It seems that a few reviewers are in need of having that grey pudding between their ears examined by a competent physician! {Oh, Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! Why must you insist on being so "UNHELPFUL"?} That was just the planet Venus that the farmer saw land in his cow pasture? It was only swamp gas that followed the lady's car for thirty miles down the highway? That was just a weather balloon that buzzed the pilot's airplane repeatedly at 4000 miles per hour? Okie-dokie. Whatever you say, Mr. Government Man. You've never lied to us before!
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Yes, ALIEN AGENDA has a few problems: Too many typographical errors for a major publication. As one reviewer pointed out, the author overworks the term "mind-set" and you may or may not find this irritating depending upon your mind-set. Chapter 11, IN THE MIND'S EYE, which is highly speculative at best, is too long. Chapter 12, A METAPHYSICAL EXAM (where I believe we finally sit down to the meat loaf and Tater Tots), is too short. When Marrs refers to "the demagoguery of anti-Communist Senator Joseph McCarthy" and his "witch-hunt" -- when he implies credence in Paul Ehrlich's book THE POPULATION BOMB -- when he insinuates that F.D.R. was somehow an unwelcome threat to the Morgan Banking House -- it is clear that MARRS is out in space!
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With a few reservations, I recommend the book, but suggest that you not stop here. Also investigate ALIEN ENCOUNTERS by Chuck Missler, ENCOUNTERS WITH UFOs by John Weldon & Zola Levitt, and afterwards, ALIEN INTERVENTION by Paul Christopher. These books make extremely compelling arguments that the manifestation of interdimensional demonic activity and deception is the most all-around satisfying answer to the UFO question and its attendant problems. I definitely agree!
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With that in mind, permit me to close with a bit of unsolicited advice: If some pleasant evening while you are slurping beer in your jacuzzi, a silver disc should descend into your backyard, landing on your barbecue grill, and a long-limbed, large-headed, big-eyed short feller emerges, flashes you the Vulcan peace sign and offers to take you for a spin in his jaunty little ship, I strongly urge you to..... (*Please see the title of this review.)
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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I LIKE A SPICY CUBAN DISH (In A Little Black Dress)

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[FUN FACT: In the 5 years I spent reviewing products at Amazon.com, of the 199 reviews I posted -- including topics such as Senator Joe McCarthy, Darwinism, Creationism, Feminism, Communism, Religion, and Liberal Politics -- the one review that received the most negative feedback was THIS one. Why? I dunno. I think they were screaming at me about objectifying women or something. But it got so screechy in that comment section that even my dear friend Amy, the "Flying Aardvark", one of the sweetest, least confrontational persons I've ever met, posted a comment in defense of me. My major crime follows, so read on...]
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Buena Vista Social Club Presents
IBRAHIM FERRER
1999
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(I first became conscious of the strange phenomenon when I was about 15 years old: I ordered something to eat in a little fast food Mexican joint on Venice Boulevard in West Los Angeles. Unbeknownst to the young Latinas working behind the counter, the very next person to place his order was my Pa, and when he joined me at a table afterwards, he related to me how one girl said to her co-worker after I walked away, “That guy was cute,” and the other agreed.)
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Good Friend Melanie gave me the IBRAHIM FERRER album of Cuban Jazz as a gift the Christmas before last. (I had mentioned beforehand to her that I have more music than time to hear it, but she listened to me about like men listen to women. No one’s to blame for the communication disconnect between the genders, really, because we have such disparate origins: A woman is from Venus and a man is from a woman’s “Monologue.”)
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(Including my ENTIRE life, I can count on two fingers how many White, Black, or Asian women have had me and the “Mystery Dance” occupying the same thought in their mind. But Hispanic women have always found me to be irresistible, and I don’t know why. I am a very ordinary looking but extremely analytical individual who tends to mentally dissect everything in order to comprehend why and how such and such is so. But I’ve yet to concoct even the most rudimentary theory to explain the Latin woman’s attraction to me.)
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I almost gave up on the IBRAHIM FERRER recording because I just couldn’t seem to warm up to it for the longest time. At one point, I considered posting a Two-Star review on the BigBitch.com website which I thought to title, "I'll Have The Number Three Combination Plate And A Margarita, Please." The music just made me feel like I was sitting in a booth at a Mexican restaurant. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”, but tunes for home listening? And since Good Friend Melanie wasn’t too crazy about 'Bright Size Life' -- the Pat Metheny disc I had given to her -- we even considered trading, and each of us keeping the item we had purchased.
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(The brilliant and world-renowned South American sociologist, Yoey O’Dogherty, once observed that, “Hispanic women are especially drawn to the warm magnetism of masculine intensity, just as conversely, snowmen are drawn to frigid climates.” And in my youth I was sometimes known by the nickname, “Mister Intense.” Perhaps this accounts for why Latinas are so susceptible to the energy of my aura?)
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I finally decided that I would play nothing but IBRAHIM FERRER whenever I was writing on my computer until either my ears became educated enough to enjoy it, or until I could stand it no longer and gave it away to Lupe, the waitress at Abuelo’s Mexican Food Embassy who always gives me extra guacamole and a wink.
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(You know how women can give men “the once over” without tipping their hand to the guys, while men just ogle openly? Well, these spicy Hispanic gals sometimes lose their highly refined skills around me, unable to extinguish the hungry flames in their orbs. Even at my advanced age of 47, wearing spectacles, and with plenty of grey cohabitating with the brown on my scalp and in my goatee, I still sometimes catch ‘em eyeing me.)
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Well, to my great surprise, I not only eventually came to differentiate between all of these melodies, but came to embrace them as if they were part of my own culture. The tremendous blasts of brass; the lively, intricate percussion work; the sparse but soulful guitar touches of Ry Cooder; and the emotional and romantic Spanish vocals really move me... and they make my writing move, too. I’ve found that IBRAHIM FERRER puts some added zest into my words -- really gets the creative juices flowing. (Can’t you tell?) Because of its dancing rhythms, it’s become maybe my very favorite disc to play as background music while writing anything.
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(I once had a sweet and shy Mexican girl tell me about a week before her wedding that all along it was me she had been hoping to catch. And less than twelve months ago, this 18-year-old hot Hispanic thang let it be known that she was interested in me. She went by Wendy, but I’m pretty sure her Mama named her Maria. She was a real cutie and had an absolutely OUTRAGEOUS body to go with that face: all the curves in just the right places and very well pronounced like: “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!” To borrow from The Commodores, she was truly built like a “Brick OWse!” The night I had to turn her down, pointing out that at my age I was nearly old enough to be her grandpa, I drove home gnawing on my knuckles and chanting over and over again, “There had better be a Heaven! There had better be a Heaven!”)
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As if the music alone weren't reason enough to purchase IBRAHIM FERRER, the song MARIETA contains one of the funniest lyrical passages ever. Translated into English it says: “My wife was suffering from an illness of the heart in Havana. So the doctor came one morning to examine her. He took off her dress, her panties, too. And her slip. But when I saw that indecency I said: This isn’t good; I really don’t think my wife’s heart is that far down.” Imagine that, a song about a doctor “playing doctor.”
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(So, you’re wondering why I told you how attractive Latinas find me? Well, it just so happens that I wasn’t talking to you, Dude; I was trying to send a discreet message to your hot, Hispanic girlfriend. But you know what? To heck with subtlety: Hola guapa, llamame cuando tu novio esta fuera.)
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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