You’ll Need A Bottle Of “MESCAL” To Get Through This One!

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THE QUICK AND THE DEAD
starring Sharon Stone and Gene Hackman
released: 1995
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In THE QUICK AND THE DEAD, Sharon Stone plays a cheroot-smoking, Clint Eastwood-mimicking 1800s gunslinger, and Gene Hackman plays Gene Hackman -- think of a wood plank; you know, something just a little less rigid and a little more emotional than Clint Eastwood.
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For the intelligent reader, this is all the review that should be necessary. Sure, I could proceed point-by-point in illustrating what makes this movie such a putrid corpse (a real “Boot Hill” special), but frankly, it is not even worthy of a serious critique.
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THE QUICK AND THE DEAD -- along with Jack Nicholson’s THE SHOOTING (1967) and Jane Russell’s THE OUTLAW (1943) -- represents “The Dreck Of The West” on celluloid, and it is a good example of why I completely stopped going to the movies two decades ago. I was tired of paying money to have my intelligence insulted (as well as having Hollywood’s immorality paraded before my eyes).
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Although this movie is an empty-headed, overly-produced, ultra-dippy “cartoon” (the Biblical allusion was especially stupid and any Yosemite Sam cartoon would be funnier and equally believable), it did amply show me what I borrowed it from the library to see -- namely, MESCAL.
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MESCAL is a frontier town movie set where numerous Westerns have been filmed. It is located near Benson, Arizona, just three miles North of Interstate 10 (exit #297) and on “the other side of the tracks.” (I’ve always wanted to say that!)
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My brother, Napoleon, my friend, Pooh, and I sneaked into MESCAL quite a number of years back (a REAL Outlaw Trio), but I have since longed to take the “official” $8.00, 45-minute guided tour, and on a day in May, that dream was finally realized.
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The tour begins in the large saloon built specifically for THE QUICK AND THE DEAD, and there are no phones, johns, or refreshments available. (No saltwater taffy here, folks! This is the REAL West... uhm... built for moviemaking.) Some other FAR BETTER Westerns than The Quick And The Dead that have largely or partially utilized the MESCAL set include:
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The great [link> MONTE WALSH (1970) featuring Lee Marvin and Jack Palance. MESCAL represented both towns, Harmony and Charleyville.
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MESCAL was Roy Bean’s Langtry, Texas, in THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JUDGE ROY BEAN (1972), and Paul Newman’s courthouse/saloon is still standing!
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If memory serves me, it stood in for (if memory serves me) Hays, Kansas in THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES (1976), where that old cigar-store Indian of an actor, Clint Eastwood, asked the Confederate soldiers, "Are you going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"
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And it played the part of Tombstone, Arizona, in Val Kilmer’s TOMBSTONE (1993). On the MESCAL tour, you will walk into The Oriental saloon (now an empty shell of its former self) where Kurt Russell slapped around Billy Bob Thornton and where, later, Ol’ Doc Holliday matched Ol’ Johnny Ringo’s gun tricks with a fancy exhibition of silver cup-handling.
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The MESCAL Tour operates on a very limited schedule, so call ahead: (520) 883-0100; press menu option #7.
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I watched THE QUICK AND THE DEAD -- filmed entirely at MESCAL -- solely to see the movie set. And if you haven’t got any gardening to do; a house to clean; children to watch; a good book to read; quality music to hear; a dinner to cook; letters to write; bills to pay; windows to wash; a dentist to see; a room to paint; a leaky faucet to fix; a friend to visit; a car to repair; a play to attend; a wife (or husband) to love; a drawing to sketch; a good movie to view; an enemy to fight; a dog to walk; a cat to kick; a geriatric to help; a mouse to catch; a fly to swat; a walk to take; dishes to scrub; laundry to fold; prayers to pray; shopping to do; a bank to rob; a supermodel to stalk; a nap to sleep; a game of solitaire to play; or a Louisville Slugger-wielding friend to batter you into unconsciousness, then by all means, I recommend that you borrow THE QUICK AND THE DEAD from your local library.
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But be forewarned, if you do borrow it from your library and your trigger finger doesn’t hit that “eject” button QUICK enough when the movie turns stupid (which it does very QUICKLY), then this movie might render you brain-DEAD. Of course, if you actually PURCHASE this movie, then you probably already are!
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For more information about Mescal and Old Tucson Studios, click HERE.
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"Sneaking In Directions":
Take I-10 East out of Tucson approx. 35 miles to exit #297 -- Go north 3 miles to where the pavement ends. Proceed West up the hill to town. Be quiet so as not to wake the security guard sleeping in the old recreational vehicle.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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