Downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983

Downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983
STMcC in downtown Los Angeles, circa 1983

Saturday, April 29, 2017


by Valerie Shaff & Roy Blount, Jr.
published: 2000
You can keep your new, gold Lexus;
Fancy cars just ain't my cup of tea.
Don't care about computer games;
These things don't appeal at all to me.

Some folks need the latest gadgets,
And have their homes filled with high-tech toys:
iPods and digital cameras,
Whatever makes electronic noise.

Now they've even got a cell phone
They can use to take a photograph,
But "He kept up with the Joneses"
Won't be written as my epitaph.

Because I know that Palm Pilots,
And expensive name brand tennis shoes,
Silk shirts and laptop computers,
Will never save a man from The Blues.

If happiness is what you seek,
It's really a simple equation:
Jettison computerized junk;
Get a Lab, Shepherd, or Dalmatian!

While some people dabble in fish,
Others try turtles, hamsters or mice.
Trust me and go with the canine --
You'll find yourself in Pet Paradise!

The Woman weeps watching Chick Flicks,
While late at night she cuddles her cat.
Reaching for tissues and chocolate,
She winds up dehydrated and fat.

But Men have the best idea
For getting their emotions to mend:
In the yard they'll romp 'n' rassle,
And play some Fetch with a "Man's Best Friend."

But suppose your yard is too small,
And constant barking makes your head ache.
I know how you can have your dog
Without yapping that keeps you awake.

For you are bound to smile and to laugh.
The witty verse is by Roy Blount,
The great photos by Valerie Shaff.

All types of dogs will be found here;
Some noble, some filthy, some cleaner;
"The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly"
And one even looks like a wiener!

I've been so grateful for this book,
It makes owning a dog such a breeze!
There's no feeding and no walking,
And I don't miss a house full of fleas.

Happily there are no drawbacks,
But there's one thing the book can't replace:
When I have come home after work,
This publication can't lick my face.

Still, choosing it over a dog --
The decision for me wasn't hard.
I enjoy canine company
Without stepping in poop in my yard.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy


  1. Everybody thinks they had the best and smartest dog ever, but we know it was Yoey, right?

    1. Yes, in the same way that every mother thinks her child is so smart. (Have you ever once met a new mother who admitted her child was likely just another typical person destined to wait on tables or collect unemployment?)

      YOEY... Dude, all a person needs to do is search for that name among my various blogs and they will find out just how incredibly brilliant and creative YOEY was. The dog was an Irish drummer in a Funk band, the dog was once the pope, and the dog was everything else imaginable in-between.

      YOEY ruled then and YOEY rules now. Period. (That dog was so great he even made God nervous. Ha!)

      ~ Stephen

  2. Your poem says it all, except the fat women and cats part (and the part about substituting a book). I LOVE dogs and books about them. ♥ At this very moment, we have three labs and a border collie in residence. I had a beautiful Dalmatian for almost 16 years. She's been gone for 10 and I still mourn.

  3. "Your comment will be visible after approval." Well geez, don't you trust me, yet? ;)

    1. DEBBIE, I am an equal opportunity distruster. :o)

      Actually, I always speak the truth, but much of it is politically incorrect. Especially on my 'Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends' site. And I prefer to keep my comment sections free of words like "douche bag" and false accusations like "racist", "misogynist", "xenophobe", "fascist", and "homophobe". Believe it or not, I have often been called those things simply because my politics are what they are.

      I totally love dogs and we always had dogs living with us while I was growing up. There was Baron, Wooly-Bully, George, Bello, and Mickie.

      I'd consider getting another dog now if my living situation was different.

      ~ Stephen
      'Loyal American Underground'

  4. I hear President Trump even channels him before any big decision.

    1. You see, and that's why Obama got EVERYTHING wrong. He never consulted Yoey even once. Dumb, dumb president!!

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'


All submitted comments that do not transgress "Ye Olde Comment Policy" will be posted and responded to as soon as possible. Thanks for taking the time to comment.