McCARTHY AT HOLLYWOOD AND VINE (Episode #172)

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TORTILLA  FLAT
directed by Victor Fleming; starring Spencer Tracy, John Garfield, Hedy Lamarr
1942
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INTERVIEWER: Welcome back to 'McCarthy At Hollywood And Vine'! We’re here again with Stephen T. McCarthy and discussing the Hollywood classics .In Glorious Black & White . Tell us, Stephen, what makes TORTILLA  FLAT, the 1942 adaptation of John Steinbeck’s novel of the same name, one of your favorite films of all time?
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McCARTHY: Well, there’s a great deal of wine-drinking in it.
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INTERVIEWER: Ha!-Ha! Alright, but really now, why does Tortilla Flat rate so high with you?
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McCARTHY: Because in watching it –- or even just discussing it -– I get a kind of contact high. I mean, they drink AN AWFUL LOT of wine in this movie! But beyond that, it’s simply a wonderful production of a truly funny and heartwarming story. Also, one of the prime examples of how some of those marvelous character actors of yesteryear could sometimes steal a picture right out from under the stars during the Golden Age of Hollywood.
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INTERVIEWER: The stars in this case being Spencer Tracy and John Garfield?
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McCARTHY: Right. And Hedy Lamarr is the high candy. Excuse me -– EYE candy. Lamarr plays Dolores “Sweets” Ramirez, the Paisano girl who drives young, headstrong Danny insane with desire. The virile Danny is portrayed by Garfield. When he unexpectedly inherits two houses in Tortilla Flat, it sets off a whole chain reaction of events that soon threaten to dissolve his old friendships and undermine the sway that the cunning and manipulative Pilon -– played by Tracy –- holds over him. Soon, Pilon and “Sweets” are engaged in a power stwuggle –- uhm, STRUGGLE –- for influence with Danny, while his oddball collection of loafing friends shpend their days trying to devise new ways of acquiring more wine... short of working for a paycheck, that is. It’s fabulous fun!
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INTERVIEWER: Some viewers have expressed dissatisfaction with how the story deviates somewhat from Steinbeck’s book.
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McCARTHY: Sure, but what some people fail to realize is that novels and movies are two separate mediums and each has its own requirements -– a certain form that must be adhered to generally in order to successfully relate a story. A novel has plenty of time to unfold, but a movie has 90 to 120 minutes in which to tell its tale vishually. Uhm, visually. You don’t build a house like a boat and you don’t build a boat like a housh. House. A film demands a centwal conflict, and the third wheel “love twiangle” -– which occupies only a small segment of Steinbeck’s novel -– becomes the catalysht... catalysht... [hic!] ...becomes the thing that dwives the film. I think it was beautifully adapted to the big shcreen, retaining all of the charm and the overall tone of the novel. And in shome ways, the movie is even better than the book!
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INTERVIEWER: But in the book, Danny--
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McCARTHY: Yeah, Danny dies! How fun is that? And “Sweets” Ramirez is descwibed as “Not pretty. Her voice is swill... shrill. Her face is hard and sharp as a hatchet, and her figure ish lumpy.” Who wants to shee a lumpy woman? Huh? Tortilla Frat was directed by Victor Fleming. He diwec... he directed GONE WITH THE WIND and THE WIZARD OF OZ, too; he knew what he wash doing! Steinbeck wrote: “What ish a Paisano? He is a mixture of Spanish, Indian, Mexshican and assorted Caucasian bloods. He speaks English with a Paisano accent, and Spanish wish a Paisano accent.” I don’t know what shortta accent Spensher Tracy was doing, but it’s loushy. But you get ushed to it after awhile.
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INTERVIEWER: Stephen, you mentioned the character actors.
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McCARTHY: They’re mahvelous! Shtupendous! They practically shteal the show! John Qualen as skinny Jos[hic!]... Jose Maria. And Akim Tamiroff as big, dumb Pablo. And Allen Jenkins ash Portagee Joe, who fallsh asleep everywhere. Sheldon Leonard as the jailer who breaks out of hish own jail. And eshpecially the great, great theshpian, Frank Morgan -– he was the wizard in THE WI[hic!]ZARD OF OZ. He playsh Pirate, the old man with a long beard who lovesh hish dogs. Hish dogs are “good boys.” There’s Enrique, and Paja[hic!]rito, and Fluff -– he’s a pug. And Senor Alec Thompson, whosh a kind of an Airedale. And Rudolph –- he ish “an American dog.” And Portagee Joe stealsh the money, but they get it back and dwink wine, an’ the dogs go to church, an’ Pilon cuts shquids, an’ Danny buysh a vacuum cleaner, an’ they shing bawdy [hic!] shongs about Arabella Gross an’ Missush Morallush when they dwink wine. An’ Shaint Franshish of Ashishi ish in the twees, an’--
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DIRECTOR: CUT! CUT! Look, somebody get some hot coffee into him, QUICK! Meanwhile, we’ll get our establishing shot taken care of and do some pickup shots, and maybe by then Stephen will be sober enough to complete the interview. ... Why, oh WHY?! And to think that I could be directing MTV videos for Rock stars. Tons of money, scantily dressed women, and all the Dom Perignon I can drink! Instead, like an idiot, I take THIS gig and my career goes tortilla flat.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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'McCARTHY AT HOLLYWOOD AND VINE' (Episode #124)

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[FUN FACT: This "review" was originally published at Amazon.com in 2006, when Hillary Clinton was making noise about running for the 2008 Presidential election. In the comment section, a liberal woman named Joan M. Padilla excoriated me for using a masterpiece movie like '...Cuckoo's Nest' as political propaganda. She concluded her angry rant by stating that she hoped Hillary Clinton WOULD get me and all of my "ferret faced fascist friends". I complimented Joan on her comment, because that alliterative expression cracked me up, and it later became the inspiration for the title of my politically incorrect blog 'Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends' found (link:] HERE.]
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ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST
directed by Milos Forman; starring Jack Nicholson
1975
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{*Note: spoiler alert*}
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INTERVIEWER: Hello, and welcome back to McCARTHY AT HOLLYWOOD AND VINE. We’re here today with Stephen T. McCarthy and discussing one of his very favorite films, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Tell us, Stephen, when did you first see this highly acclaimed film?
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McCARTHY: CUCKOO’S NEST was released in nineteen seventy-five, and I saw it numerous times at The Avco Cinema Center in Los Angeles. I and a group of friends –- some who later went on to become police officers -– sneaked into the theatre repeatedly during its initial run. To this day, it remains entrenched on my all-time Top Ten movie list.
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INTERVIEWER: Stephen, you little criminal, we never would have thought it of you! I understand that you have a rather original perspective on this classic film. Want to share that with us?
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McCARTHY: Well, back in seventy-five, I thought I was just viewing a magnificently crafted and masterfully acted film centered on the important theme of individualism and finding and being true to one’s own "voice". I had no way of knowing that the movie was actually remarkably prescient with regards to the American political situation that would manifest over thirty years later.
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INTERVIEWER: Would you care to elaborate?
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McCARTHY: To the viewer in nineteen seventy-five, this movie, which won five Academy Awards, appeared to tell the story of a man who feigns mental illness in order to avoid his prison work detail. While he is undergoing psychiatric evaluation, his rebellious, individualistic spirit “infects” the real “nut cases” who begin to assert themselves much to the resentment of the domineering head nurse at the mental institution. But here in Aught Six, we can see that the movie was actually foretelling the political situation that this country now finds itself in.
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INTERVIEWER: To you, the characters in this movie represent something completely different, don’t they?
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McCARTHY: Yes. Actually, CUCKOO’S NEST is about the 2008 Presidential Election. The mental institution itself symbolizes the United States -– a loony bin if there ever was one. The domineering, manipulative, and vindictive head nurse, Mildred Ratched, represents Hillary Clinton –- a power-hungry woman driven by her insatiable quest for control. It should be pointed out that Louise Fletcher won an Oscar for her remarkable portrayal of Mrs. Clinton. Capturing every aspect of the senator’s traits, she paints us as good a portrait of Clinton as Clinton herself could have done.
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INTERVIEWER: But the senator’s road to The White House is not without obstacles, is it?
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McCARTHY: No. Standing in her way is the rebellious underdog, Randle Patrick McMurphy, a man who seeks to bring the nuts around him back to their senses. McMurphy personifies the true American spirit opposed to the Socialism of Nurse Ratched.
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There is one scene in particular that forcefully illustrates this friction: McMurphy petitions to have the television in the community room turned on so that he and his fellow Americans –- or “the mental defective league”, as he accurately refers to them -- can watch the second game of the 1963 World Series. Baseball, being “America’s Pastime”, is naturally repugnant to the Leftist Nurse, and so she resorts to her unique brand of sophism in order to prevent genuinely American traditions from being broadcasted into the community (room).
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INTERVIEWER: And Nurse Ratched is aided and abetted by--
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McCARTHY: She is voted into power and protected by women and minorities. This is conveyed by her ever-present subordinate female nurse and by the mental institution’s watchful and protective Black orderlies. Ratched’s eventual success in quashing all sense of individualism and driving the country deeper into the pit of Socialism is “shockingly” revealed in the eventual castration of America’s spirit, that being R.P. McMurphy. The symbolic castration, however, is thinly veiled by the fact that the scalpel is actually wielded against his “Northern” hemisphere.
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INTERVIEWER: Is there no happy ending here?
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McCARTHY: No, I’m afraid not. With the true American spirit now impotent, Mrs. Clinton occupies the ultimate position of power that she coveted, and the principles of Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry, and George Mason -– those formerly enduring ideals NATIVE to America –- “fly the coop”, or leave the cuckoo’s nest. This is represented by the “Native American”, Chief Bromden, who heads for the hills.
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INTERVIEWER: And isn’t it true that--  Hey, wait, Stephen, where are you going?!
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McCARTHY: To pack my bags! I’m afraid that Nurse Ratched really is going to win the 2008 election, and I also need to be ready to escape this insane country and “head for the hills.”
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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'McCARTHY AT HOLLYWOOD AND VINE' (Episode #71)

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[Note: This review was originally published at Amazon.com circa 2005.]
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THE NEW CLINTON CHRONICLES
documentary
1996
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INTERVIEWER: Welcome to 'McCarthy At Hollywood And Vine'. We're here again with Stephen T. McCarthy and we're discussing documentaries. Stephen, you don't watch many of them. Why is that?
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McCARTHY: I tend to read a lot of books, which are able to explore their topics in much greater detail. Usually, if I'm interested in a subject, I want to learn more about it than a 90 minute or two hour film can teach. There are a few documentaries I would strongly urge people to view, however. Certainly, 'In Pursuit Of The Shroud' is one. It's a good program on a fascinating subject, and if a copy can be located, it should inspire the viewer to pick up the book 'THE RESURRECTION OF THE SHROUD', Mark Antonacci's remarkable study. Of a political nature, 'Waco: The Rules Of Engagement' is a must-see.
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INTERVIEWER: How about 'THE NEW CLINTON CHRONICLES'?
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McCARTHY: Absolutely! 'THE NEW CLINTON CHRONICLES' is a 105-minute documentary that will open the eyes of all but the most desperate half-wits to the dastardly abuses of America's former Philanderer In Chief, Billy "Bubba" Clinton.
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INTERVIEWER: Stephen, a lot of people claim that this documentary is nothing more than a spurious, Right-wing attack, filled with unsubstantiated allegations and unsupportable innuendo.
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McCARTHY: Look, there's more than enough evidence presented here to warrant a full-fledged investigation. There's eyewitness testimony from people who were intimately familiar with Clinton's cocaine habits. We have several of his personal Arkansas State trooper bodyguards being interviewed about his many adulterous affairs.
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There's information on the laundering of money by Clinton's Arkansas Development Finance Authority. Gary Johnson, former attorney for Larry Nichols, displays the horrific scars he received from being beaten by several goons who stole his footage showing "Bubba" entering the condominium of Jennifer Flowers numerous times. Remember, Bubba claimed never to have been there. The scars are REAL! And so is the abundance of circumstantial evidence tying Clinton into the Mena, Arkansas, cocaine smuggling operation.
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Check the demeanor of law enforcement officers Duncan and Welch, who saw their intensive investigation of Bubba's wrongdoings quashed -- are they lying? Are ALL of the people interviewed in this movie lying? Is it simple coincidence that EVERY TIME an individual came forward with some sort of allegation against the Clintons, the media machine went right to work with unfounded character assassination pieces on said individuals?
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Anybody who actually watches this program and remains unconvinced that a full criminal investigation -- and indictments -- of the Clintons and their creepy cronies is justified, that person has the critical thinking capacity of a retarded earthworm. Either that, or they're as dishonest as... well... as Bill Clinton!
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INTERVIEWER: Don't pull any punches, Stephen. Why don't you tell us how you really feel. Ha!-Ha!
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McCARTHY: OK, I will! I think one of the biggest problems in America is that most citizens have been effectively divided along party lines. They no longer view themselves as Americans, but as defenders of their political party. They don't care what their representatives do, as long as they have fingers to point at the other party's transgressors. They're politically and spiritually sick. The people of the United States have been SYSTEMATICALLY DE-SPIRITUALIZED AND LOBOTOMIZED! Not one in ten possesses any discernible brain wave activity. They're a significant part of the problem.
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INTERVIEWER: But what about George W. Bush? Didn't he--
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McCARTHY: You see? That's what I'm talking about, right there! Don't get me started on Bush. There are many GOOD REASONS to believe that our two most recent presidents are accessories to murder. But anyone who dismisses 'THE NEW CLINTON CHRONICLES' as much ado about nothing, has their head shoved so far up their Southern orifice that they're not likely to ever again see the light of day! They're political dogs in heat, nosing after the underside of their own party, and lifting their leg to urinate on anyone from the "other" team. They're an embarrassment as Americans! Furthermore, they're too stupid to realize that unseen puppeteers have them well under control.
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INTERVIEWER: Stephen, surely YOU realize that this vituperation will garner you a passel of NEGATIVE RESPONSES, and could even get your program cancelled.
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McCARTHY: Well, as I've said before, the NEGATIVE RESPONSES don't bother me. In fact, I welcome them; I wear them like Badges of Honor, separating me from "them." The day I find most Americans agreeing with me is the day I'll reevaluate my positions. As for this show being taken off the air... that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing either. It would finally give me the time I need to follow my real dream.
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INTERVIEWER: Which is?
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McCARTHY: To open a Charm School and publish my book on Etiquette.
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Link To The Full Documentary:  
THE NEW CLINTON CHRONICLES
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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'McCARTHY AT HOLLYWOOD AND VINE' (Episode # 26)

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LIFE IS TOO SHORT
by Mickey Rooney
published: 1991
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*RING!* .... *RING!*
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McCARTHY: Uh.... hullo?
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INTERVIEWER: Hello! We are here today with Internet reviewer Stephen T. McCarthy who is going to give us his impression of 'Life Is Too Short', the autobiography of Mickey Rooney.
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McCARTHY: Do you have any idea what time it is?
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INTERVIEWER: It's 3 A.M., but I'll ask the questions, Stephen, if you don't mind. We understand that unbeknownst to you, your Mother had an autographed copy of this book in her bookshelf for 13 years, which you just recently discovered and read.
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McCARTHY: Uhm.... yeah.
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INTERVIEWER: Tell us about it. In your Amazon.com review of The Black Stallion, you raved about Rooney's performance, calling it one of filmdom's finest. Did you also enjoy his book?
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McCARTHY: Uh... not really. It relates a lot of interesting stories about Tinsel Town in the 1930s and '40s. And it will appeal to people who wish to learn more about the stars and the Hollywood Studio System of those times. It also delivers the inside scoop on Mickey's eight marriages, and his relationship to Judy Garland.
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INTERVIEWER: What were some of the more surprising things you learned?
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McCARTHY: ZZZzzzzz....
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INTERVIEWER: Stephen?
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McCARTHY: Huh?... Oh! ...Uhm, well, according to Mickey, his discovery as a performer came as a result of a timely sneeze, and his life was narrowly spared a couple of times under odd circumstances. He seems to think it's every kid's dream to own an English sheepdog. The owner of Seabiscuit once spontaneously gave him an unsolicited opportunity to ride the famous racehorse hard for five-eighths of a mile. Mickey claims that during a chance encounter with a youthful Walt Disney, the artist decided to name his cartoon Mouse after him.
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INTERVIEWER: You sound skeptical.
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McCARTHY: Well... I dunno.
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INTERVIEWER: Stephen, we know that you consider laughter to be the liquor of life. Was there any humor in this autobiography?
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McCARTHY: Yeah, quite a bit. Of course, Mickey pokes fun at his well known lack of stature frequently. He once fought rival suitor, Howard Hughes, over Ava Gardner: "Soon we were wrestling on Ava's front lawn, a gangling genius and a Hollywood gnome."
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He jokes that he lost sixteen dollars at his first horse race and then spent the rest of his life and millions of dollars trying to win that sixteen dollars back.
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He tells of a stupendous night of hard drinking with Astaire, Cagney and Powell. Waking the next morning with stupendous hangovers, Rooney said, "I'm afraid I'm going to die." To which Cagney replied, "I'm afraid I'm NOT going to die."
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And Mickey declares, "There WAS a time when I wasn't married. I forget when. Fifteen or twenty minutes, I think, in 1968."
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There's also a hilarious fan(?) letter from a Mrs. Ellie Jones of Idaho reprinted.
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INTERVIEWER: Well then, Stephen, why only the 3-Star rating?
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McCARTHY: ZZZzzzzz...
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INTERVIEWER: STEPHEN!!
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McCARTHY: What? Oh... well... Just what is it about these gauche celebrities that compels them to publicly boast of their bedroom conquests? I hardly think we needed to know who Rooney got horizontal with, and when, where, and how many times. The guy seems to think he was writing for some skin magazine half the time. Describing in detail his wife's private parts was entirely uncalled for! He revels in telling us how he did this blonde and how he did that brunette, and how he did the sixteen Japanese gals in a Tokyo lovefest. Frankly, a good deal of this book is embarrassing, disappointing, classless, and too self-promotional. I dunno who "loved" Mickey the most, his rabid fans or his randy tarts.
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INTERVIEWER: Would you agree then that 'Life Is Too Short' could be summed up in the following verse?:
It's true that the author is a man of renown
But his 'Life Is Too Short' may be partly tall tale
In which Mickey Rooney, the bad boy of 'Boys Town',  
Bets the horse's nose and beds the Hollywood tail.
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*CLICK!*
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INTERVIEWER: Hello?.... Hello, Stephen?.... Hmmm. Well, folks, there you have it. Be sure to join us here again next time on 'McCarthy At Hollywood And Vine', when Stephen T. McCarthy will be reviewing the 1946, Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall Film Noir classic, THE BIG SLEEP.
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~ Stephen T. McCarthy
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